How to work the walk of shame

After a particularly mad night, you’ve woken up, rolled over and seen a Marvel Comic poster that is definitely not yours.

Turn your 7am Selly shuffle of shame into a morning march of stylish success with these handy do’s and don’ts for the morning after.

Take all your make-up off before you leave

Walking down Bristol Road bare-faced looks much better than the-morning-after-the-night-before smudged lippy and panda eyes. A 10 second facial-scrape in the bathroom is a must. If you can fit a sneaky pack of cleansing wipes in your bag, you’re onto a fresh faced winner on that morning walk.

Ready to hit Bristol Road

Bring a cardi

Everyone knows knitwear is day-wear, and if you can stuff a cardigan in your clutch bag or you are willing to fork out £1 for the cloak room it will be a dignity saver the next day. Better still, it will stop you getting chilly in the brisk morning breeze.

Don’t appear too self-conscious

In the words of Gok Wan: “It’s is all about the confidence”. A ball gown at 10am on Dawlish is fully acceptable if you can hold your head high enough. Failing that, just keep loudly announcing you are on your way to your Auntie’s wedding.

Removable accessories are your friend

Should’ve taken the bunny ears off

Selly on a Thursday morning is always awash with sheepish characters and creatures in half disintegrated costumes post sports night. Make sure you’re not one of them. Leggings and a top, with safety-pinned on costume accessories makes for an easy outfit transition from Ewok to casual early morning walker.

Just remember to take the face paint off as well…

Don’t take your shoes off

Post-Fab, the streets of Selly becomes a graveyard of smashed glass and Roosters boxes. Your outlandish killer heels can be sneakily passed off as “work wear” because, of course, you are off to an early morning interview. Half painted toes poking out of laddered tights aren’t fooling anyone.

Do you really want to walk barefoot with this around?

Black jeans never look out of place

If you think there is a good chance you won’t heading back to yours, forsake the LBD for these wardrobe staples. No one is going to suspect a thing when you’re in a pair of these dusk to dawn musts.

Invite them back to yours instead

The next morning after he has snuck away, feel free to relax in the safety of your own bed in your favourite Disney Princess pjs. The only walk you need worry about is the one to the fridge.

Don’t wear his hoodie

So obvious

Nothing says walk of shame more than the man’s jumper over dress combo. You will become a symbol of shame in an instant … and it means you will have to look him up again to return it.

Don’t leave too early

Although it may seem like a silent 6am scarper is your best bet, remember, at that time the streets of Selly are owned by the joggers. Your Stuesdays skirt and crop top ensemble is going to stick out like a sore thumb. Wait it out until the 8:45 lull. This will also give you a chance to see if they’re going to make the effort to cook you breakfast.