Here’s what all your friends from school are doing now

Everyone has their lives together (more or less)

alcohol baby birmingham fab faith friends gym stereotypes students uni UoB

Gone are the days of walking the streets with a bottle of Lambrini in hand, and treating GCSEs as if they were BTEC Hair and Beauty. We’re grown-ups now. Sort of.

There will always be those lifelong friends who have yet to mature, or have matured far too quickly. We all know that one person who can never just go out for one quiet drink, or who would rather spend their night watching Midsomer Murders than out on the town.

No matter who they turn into, it’s always entertaining watching your friends from school undergo radical changes as they fly the nest for university, in order to try and “find themselves”.

We’re old enough to actually go out for ‘classy’ drinks now

 The hot mess/alcoholic

Once the token sensible one at school who didn’t start drinking until they were 18, now they can’t say no to a night out. And it can never just be a quiet one, either. It’s obvious these people don’t quite know their own limits yet, when you walk past them passed out in a wheelie bin on the way to your 9am. They definitely know how to party, but it wouldn’t be a surprise if one day they woke up with no teeth, and no recollection of how they lost them.

It was only meant to be a quiet one, honest

The one with a baby

This can go one of two ways. This person may have drawn the short straw, and ended up with a baby instead of an STD after having too much unprotected sex. But, unwitting baby mommas and daddys aside, this person may actually be in a loving relationship and feel ready for the joys of parenthood. God knows why this person would rather be changing nappies than travelling the world, but it seems they just are.

Responsibility? Run away

The one who’s better than you

Somehow they’ve gone to uni and managed to dodge the freshers’ fat, the stress, and the pit of woeful despair most of us find ourselves in at some point. This person literally has it all: perfect grades, a perfect body, perfect boyfriend/girlfriend. Perfect life. They never miss a lecture and even do the optional (yes, optional) reading on the seminar lists. Everybody hates them, but everybody wants to be them. They’re so organised they’ve probably already paid off their student loan.

The God-fearing do-gooder 

This person has found themselves by finding God. Once the go-to person for the best party in town, this person would now rather spend their Saturday night outside Fab giving out biscuits than inside necking Jägerbombs.

The gym junkie

Possibly the worst type of person, they don’t just go to the gym to work out, and they don’t just go for a run to improve their fitness. These people are constantly posting pictures of their “perfect” six-pack, and you feel as though you’ve consumed a protein shake just by looking at their Instagram profile.

#bulking #postgymgainz

The romantic

Probably a virgin at school, now they’ve found the love of their life at uni and oh my god did they tell you how perfect they are? Yes. All the time.  You know the ins and outs of their sex life – though you really wish you didn’t – all of their pictures on Facebook are with “bae”, and can you even remember the last time you spoke about anything else?

ilysm bae

The politician

This person seems to have had enough of their youth and thinks they are about 50 years old already. Instead of caring about things like drinking and catching up with the latest Game of Thrones episode, they care more about recycling and UKIP’s latest policy on immigration. Often found leading demonstrations outside their SU, this person is always trying to hand you a flyer about something or other.

They are always at the frontline of any demonstration

The caffeine whore 

Forget drugs or alcohol, this person can’t function without their daily shot of espresso. Often seen wide eyed and severely affected by the caffeine shakes, they find it hard to stay sane without a good old cup of coffee, or 10 – even if they are in first year and absolutely none of their work actually counts for anything. This person could probably single-handedly support the whole of Costa’s multinational corporation.

The high flyer

No, this person is not an overachiever, in any sense of the word. Instead, they are literally on a high, all of the time. Whether it’s Ket, MD or just good old-fashioned weed, this person is always down for a spliff. Only at uni to experience the lifestyle, this person can always be found at the forefront of campaigns to legalise the green.

The clean eater

Much like the gym junkie, this person is intent on throwing all the photos of their healthy eating all over social media. Likely only to consist of leaves on a plate, their Instagram is probably going to make you hungry by just looking at it. Conveniently leaving out their cheat day consists of eating everything they could possibly find in their house, this person knows how to make everyone else feel bad. No one cares about your juice detox mate.

Think I’ll stick with my Roosters and sharing pack of Doritos, thanks