Woes of being Welsh at an English uni

Warning: Mae’r rhaglen hon yn cynnwys iath gref a golygfeydd o natur rywiol

birmingham student uni valleys wales welsh

It isn’t easy being Welsh at an English University. You’ll have international students asking if Wales is a city in England, get shit for the Severn Bridge toll fee, have to endure watching England smashing us at our national sport, and be called sheep shaggers every five minutes.

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‘You’re so welshy, do you speak Welsh?’

Despite our beautiful Celtic language being one of the oldest in Europe, the only thing the prick in the gilet from Surrey at pre-drinks will care about is how to say microwave in Welsh (it’s microdon, not popty-ping), and telling us how our bilingual signs are a waste of money and time.

A neutral accent will always go undetected, but uttering the words “lush” or “cwtch” will prompt everyone around you to draw comparisons with Uncle Bryn from Gavin and Stacey. And don’t, whatever you do, say tooth.

‘What’s there to be proud about?’

Ask any English person and they’ll say they’re British. For some reason, baking the odd Welsh cake and hanging a Welsh flag in your student digs invites questions such as “are you a Welsh nationalist?”, which is truly infuriating.

Yes, we’re proud to be different, but we’re not militant. We may only live down the road on the M5, but our love for Katherine Jenkins, cheesy chips and gravy, and all things red and green sets us apart from you lot. And we love it.

rugby

‘Isn’t Wales just all sheep and green hills?’

“Great” Welsh jokes almost always comes in the form of “do you shag sheep?” There’s nothing more hilarious than the stereotype Welsh people live in caves, eating cockles, and only come out to fornicate ferociously with these fluffy things, but unfortunately it’s not true.

It’s also not true Wales is home to stunning beaches and mountains. You just have to look at grim places like Swansea, the “heroin capital of Wales”, for proof. But, Wales is probably still marginally more beautiful than the grey Croydon shit hole you came from.

Just 2 hours on the train from Selly Oak

Just two hours on the train from Selly Oak

‘Have you ever been on the Valleys?’

While half of our old school years back home are either potential Jeremy Kyle candidates, already have kiddiewinks, or regularly get chucked out of clubs for flashing their tits, not all of us are Valleys potential.

Not to be snobby, but going to uni in England is actually damaging to our reputation. While at home, we’d go to Spoons for a few, get obscenely drunk,  and end the night with cheesy chips on Chippy Alley (Cardiff’s fast food Mecca). But since being at uni, we’ve become too accustomed to doing posh English shit, such as going for cocktails and joining lacrosse and rowing clubs, and girls no longer reach for their vom covered Primark daps when going on a night out.

Newport's finest

Newport’s finest

Due to the constant harassment for being Welsh, the only Welshiness we cling to on a night out is the inevitable chant of the national anthem, when stumbling home from the kebab shop. But not matter how much shit you throw at us, deep down we’ll always be proud to be Welsh.

Just think before you take the piss next time.