Stop hating on Fab

Let’s be clear, Fab is by no means perfect. It can get crowded and it can certainly hurt your bank account. But if you’re one of those who label it as “the worst night out in Birmingham”, you need to pull your head out of the sand and recognise these are flaws which could be attributed to any popular club. After that, you might see how our Guild really offers a simply unbeatable clubbing experience.

Fab’s utmost supremacy is felt by its thousands of attendees before they’ve even set foot in Joe’s bar, and its prime location means there is never any need for taxis. This saves us all from the hassle of rushed pre-drinks, rude drivers, and random tag-a-longs who fail to mention they have no money.

Upon arrival, Fab-goers are greeted by bouncers who are themselves students, and not balding, power obsessed arseholes in their mid-thirties.

There is even a Subway

Buying drinks throughout the night is equally pain-free. Granted there will be a queue, but the efficacy of the bar staff means your chances of being served within five minutes are really not that slim.

The notion that the layout is confusing or maze-like is baffling. Anyone who speaks of genuinely getting lost in the Guild realistically needs to learn to drink less. If anything, Fab’s design is another aspect of its superiority. Three separate sets of stairs and three toilets equals less fuss. Think about that the next time you are desperately queueing for the loo at Stupid Tuesdays.

All these minor details go some way towards explaining Fab’s supreme quality, and its dominance is further emphasised by one basic feature: the silent disco.

Friends with differing music tastes can party together without compromise, and need only remove their headphones if they wish to chat. It may not appear every week, and the headphones can be difficult to acquire, but the joy and ease which the silent disco offers simply cannot be matched.

Loving life

Plus the struggle of obtaining a ticket for Fab is massively exaggerated: there are always tickets behind Joe’s bar come Monday lunchtime. The stereotypical point of view that other students will only relinquish spares in exchange for unthinkable sums of money, or humiliating acts of desperation, should not be taken seriously. If you try a little bit harder than just posting on the Facebook page, you will find a ticket.

Complaints regarding the crowds, the heat and the music are tiresome. These imperfections are not exclusive to Fab – they’re flaws which define the experience of modern day clubbing. Perhaps those who find pain in sweatily dancing to Chelsea Dagger surrounded by hordes of drunk students need to just admit they do not enjoy mainstream nights out.

Simply the best

At the very least, there is no pretence with Fab. There is no dress-code, no barmaids in skimpy outfits, no stupid mascot.

What truly makes it best club in Birmingham is its simplicity – it’s a place where students of our fab university can sing and dance together without fear of being harassed by locals or aggressive members of staff.

Fab may not be the perfect night out, but it is our night out.