You’re not cool because you’ve got a car at uni

We all know that person with a brand spanking new Mini parked outside their grotty student house: it’s the grown-up equivalent of daddy buying you a pony, and it’s not a rare sight. The question is, why on earth would you need a car at uni?

Most of us in Selly do without, and it’s easy to see why. We’re within walking distance (or a short train journey) of literally everything we could need. Sure, it’s great being able to pack a load of multipacks of Diet Coke into your boot (and I can’t say I haven’t taken advantage of every single lift back from the supermarket I’ve ever been offered), but if the rest of us have to struggle up the road with our carrier bags, so can you.

All those cars

And doesn’t the traffic drive you mental? You might as well have walked in by the time it took you to get out of Selly in the morning.

As for the benefit of being able to drive yourself home for the holidays, you’re clearly missing out on the joys of the Megabus. Who wouldn’t want to spend four hours crammed up against a sweaty stranger who falls asleep on your shoulder? You can only really appreciate the joys of life once you’ve experienced the absolute pits.

The struggle is so real

So to all of you clogging up the streets and driveways of Selly Oak with your tokens of parental affection, you’re ruining the environment, you’re lazy, and… can we have a lift to McDonald’s?