The worst one night stands you’ve ever had
It’s safe to say we’ve all been there: the want-the-earth-to-swallow-you-whole, cringe worthy, gut wrenching feeling of shame when you wake up in an unfamiliar bed after a night out, next to an unfamiliar face.
Frantically grabbing for items of clothing and your last scraps of dignity, flashbacks from the night before haunt you, alongside the stale smell of Rooster’s chicken in the air.
Whether the embarrassment stems from bumping into your one-night wonder the next morning in Selly Sausage and frantically trying to remember their name, or finding out they have an exclusive other half they just so subtly failed to mention, we all have our own things which really put the cherry on top of the cake.
Even if you yourself have not been lucky enough to encounter such a night of romance, we are all sure to have heard some horror stories in our time.
The Name Slip
“I went back with a tall, hot guy a couple of weeks after breaking up with my boyfriend. I got carried away and forgot he wasn’t my ex – it happens to the best of us. So I called out the wrong name. He didn’t seem to mind too much.”
The Shitting Where You Eat
“With the potential to make things only slightly awkward for the upcoming couple of years together, (or a pretty reliable friend-with-benefits?), my housemate and I went for it after a few too many at the pub.
“Breakfast was fun. As were the many ‘who did YOU have back last night?’ from our eager housemates. I’m sure the tension will blow over eventually.”
The Third Wheel
“We’ve all had that one awkward mate who never quite gets the picture after a night out. Yeah, we get it, you didn’t pull anyone, but we have… And you’re kind of ruining the mood right now.”
“It all got a bit much for the rower I went back with last summer. We were hooking up, and suddenly I hear this howling noise, only to realise it’s coming from him.
“Then I got the clichéd ‘I’m sorry, I just cant do this’… Really?!”
“After one too many strawpedos, a couple too many thrusts and it all came out. I can now proudly say I went back with a guy who threw up all over my back. Mid-sex. Charming.”
“Bad mouth me all you like, but if meeting at 4am during Fab wasn’t romantic enough, no, I don’t want to take you on a date and no, I don’t intend to see you again. Quit the texting.”
“Please just shh, I did not come back to hear you vent about your dissertation stress. It’s not really ideal when you clearly have other things in mind. I’ve had not one, but several ‘talkers’.”
The Awkward Bump Into
“I went back with a guy, left early, and didn’t think much of it. That evening, I went out for dinner with my dad, only to bump right into him.”
“I had a one night stand and now I see them everywhere I go. I’m beginning to wonder if it’s a bit more than coincidence they pop up every time I do my grocery shop.”
The Complete Memory Loss
“Did it happen? Didn’t it? I actually had to ask a girl once just to be sure.”