The Tab tries: Drinkify

If you think every predrinks lacks “rigid structure” and “obeying orders”, then you’ll just love Drinkify.com.

Drinkify is a website that pairs musical artists with a specific bevvie to enjoy while you listen to them. Not a novel idea perhaps, but one that could have hilarious – and potentially cirrhosis-inducing – consequences.

Admittedly, to start with some of the pairings seemed a little weak. Miley Cyrus and a can of Red Bull, for instance.

But others are so intense it almost hurts. Robin Thicke and four ounce of Moonshine, anyone? Only seems like a bit of waste when you remember Moonshine actually makes you blind, and not deaf.

The website was designed with the intention of listening to one artist for a lengthy amount of time. But that bored us. With our iTunes firmly set to “Shuffle”, we decided that, for an entire predrinks, one person had to drink exactly what the website suggested – no matter how much of a bad idea it turned out to be.

Who would be willing to do something so irresponsible? Who would be stupid, reckless and borderline psychotic enough to do that?

With a variety of alcohol purchased and a limit of two songs placed on each artist, we began our great social experiment.

Round 1

Artist: Prince    

Drink: Finnish Vodka and Red Bull

I didn’t have any Finnish Vodka, or Red Bull. I did, however, have Russian vodka. I also had a can of French energy drink that proudly displayed a picture of a rabbit making love to a dog on it. Yep. You did read that right.

JESUS CHRIST. The photo doesn’t show it too well, but you can just about make out the huge cartoon grin on the rabbit’s face. Look at it again. You want to. You need to.

Round 2

Artist: Jefferson Starship            

Drink: A glass of Pinot Noir

We didn’t have any Pinot Noir. Because, of course we didn’t. But I went one better with a glass of Buckfast, which is basically wine but with boatloads of caffeine chucked in for the sake of it.

Round 3

Artist: Knife Party                          

Drink: One Pint Pabst Blue Ribbon

Three drinks in and this challenge still didn’t seem particularly daunting. I enjoyed my Carlsberg (I don’t have a moustache or a unicycle so can’t drink PBR), blissfully unaware of what was to come.

Round 4

Artist: Lady Gaga                             

Drink: Six ounce of vodka

This kinda upped the tempo of the evening. Especially since in my now slightly hazed state, I wrongly assumed that six ounce was six shots. But hey, if a website told me to do it, it must be a good idea. Right?

Round 5

Artist: Eminem                               

Drink: Six ounce of whisky

Shit.

Round 6

Artist: McFly                                     

Drink: One Pabst Blue Ribbon

By now I was completely smashed, and unsure of just how long I could keep going. Sipping my beer with trepidation, I waited in total fear of what could be asked of me next.

Fortunately, just as Thunderbirds Are Go was winding down towards its close, the taxi man rang our doorbell. I’d say “saved by the bell”, but I don’t want to. All I will say, not for the first time, is thank god for Castle Cars.

I don’t remember the night out at all. Of course I don’t.

Alas, all that remains as evidence is this:

Did I survive? I did. I was later informed by my housemate that I was kicked out of the club after less than fifteen minutes, but I completed my goal of simply waking up the next day – and for that, I’d consider this experiment a total success.

Think you can do better? Let us know in the comments.

Remember kids: The Tab doesn’t condone excessive drinking. I do.