If Birmingham night clubs were TV shows

We match TV shows to their most appropriate Brum night spots

Ever wondered what your favourite Brum club night would be if it was a TV show?

Well, the wondering days are over.

The Tab has complied a handy list  of what they would be, and why.

Gatecrasher – Lost

‘Where the fuck is everybody?’

If there’s one nightspot in Birmingham where you’ve wasted hours of your life stumbling through a maze of strikingly similar rooms, searching for vanished comrades, Gatecrasher is it.

And even at the end of your gruelling journey, when all companions are finally reunited at the end of the night, it finally dawns on you that, with all things considered, you actually had a pretty average time.

Massively over hyped and regularly failing to deliver. Lost is a perfect fit.

Mechu – Made in Chelsea

Oh boys how delightful

Mechu: even the name sounds pretentious.

Both club and series are jam packed full of rahs with more money than sense.

If you listen carefully, over the blur of distinctly average music you will hear more people shouting “yah” than would be considered acceptable in a German porn film.

With the majority of regulars either being personal acquaintances, or emulators of the notorious Spenny Matthews, it’s fair to say Brum’s solo “posh night out” is the horrific manifestation of London’s snobbiest TV show.

Snobs – Dr Who

Designed by the Emperor Dalek himself…

This club screams Tardis the moment you walk in.

Eclectic, strange and full of weird and wonderful characters, Snobs has been around since our parents were young.

In many ways it could be considered a bit dorkish, the music on the wrong side of cheesy, and yet it never fails to deliver a great night out.

Although the old club looked as though it was beginning to wane, the £2million injection that has brought us a spanking new club on Queensway makes Snobs both an ongoing adventure, and the perfect match for  Doctor Who.

Risa – Fresh Prince of Bel Air

These chaps love the cheese room…

Despite falling by the wayside a little recently, the feel-good cheesy charm of this classic establishment means the majority of Brum students still look on it with a certain fondness.

Even though the years have taken their toll on Risa, no student can resist busting out the Alfonso Rebeiro-inspired “Carlton Dance” when the lights begin to flash in the cheese room.

And let’s be honest, everyone, no matter what musical taste you maintain, enjoys the mandatory sing a long to Risa’s playlist of Rap songs.

Risa will always be the Fresh Prince on Broad Street.

Players Bar – The Girls Next Door (Girls of the Playboy Mansion)

Uniforms that would make Adult Magazine publisher (and creepy old man) Hugh Hefner proud

With a cringeworthy name like this, it’s clear this club is trying way too hard.

While sexual objectification to sell a brand is no new thing, we’ve rarely come across a night club that tries so hard to throw it in your face.

Some would see it as a bonus, most would probably be put off.

The team of scantly dressed women, who make no effort to hide just how much they don’t want to be there, makes The Girls Next Door a sound match for Players Bar.

Fab N Fresh – Friends

‘Could Fab BE any more Fresh?’…

A firm favourite that everyone loves and can’t help but revisit over and over again, Fab is always full to the rafters with all of your favourite characters.

Everyone knows a Joey, Chandler, Ross, Rachel, Monica and Phoebe, and you’re guaranteed to find them busting moves in Joes’s Bar to your favourite feel-good hits.

Fab, much like Friends, will always be there for you.

Rainbow – Breaking Bad

Never in the history of Birmingham night clubs has a bar sold so many bottles of water.

When the doors open on Friday night, things start to get freaky.

It has a cult following of  people who can’t help but tell you how great it is and the central theme revolves around Class A narcotics.

Rainbow has to be Breaking Bad.