Birmingham’s horror housemates: the flatmates you DON’T want to live with

You think your housemates are bad? Check out these horrors.

Katie Highlander, Maths, Second Year

“My flatmate got into the habit of relieving himself in the sink or out of the window when he was drunk because he couldn’t be bothered to walk to the toilet.

“That’s pretty rank, but what’s worse is that one night when he was absolutely plastered his mate suggested he take a dump in the lift. And guess what? He did.”

Defecator in the elevator

Mike Leighton, SPECS, Third Year

“A girl I lived with was extremely gross, and once left a USED tampon applicator in the sink and period blood splatters on the loo. Also, she would leave her dirty pants out for days, and would loudly shag complete randomers, keeping our whole house awake.”

Reconstruction

Charlie Smith, Business Management, Graduated 2013

“After a sports night my housemates and I came back absolutely hammered. The next morning I heard a load of yelling from downstairs and it turned out that someone had chundered and everyone blamed me.

“Because I couldn’t remember anything I presumed it was. But later on that evening, after cleaning up this pile of foul-smelling sick, I noticed my housemate’s trousers in the bin, which were covered in vomit. It turned out he had chundered everywhere and kept quiet so he wouldn’t have to clean it up.”

‘It wasn’t even my chunder!’

Zoe Webber, Law, Second Year

“The bathrooms in my halls are cleaned during the week but not during the weekends. That’s not too bad, apart from the fact that during the first term someone would come back on a Friday night and throw up all over the COMMUNAL toilets, which then wouldn’t be cleaned until Monday. It was absolutely disgusting!”

Alice Chandler, Drama, Third Year

“My housemate got confused between our rooms after a boozy sports night. He ended up getting into bed with me, completely star-fishing, so I had no room whatsoever, and then proceeded to strip and throw the quilt off the bed. I’m still utterly traumatised from that.”

Ever heard of personal space?

Joseph Day, German, Second Year

“My flatmate cooked a pan of rice and left the  rice and water in the pan by the sink. The next day we realised he had gone home, and he didn’t return for two weeks.

“It was so foul that we ended up not only throwing away the rice and water, but the pan itself.”

Two DAYS later…

Ellie Nichols, Law, Graduated 2013

“In my flat in first year, this one guy left his en-suite COVERED in this brown gloop. I don’t know what it was, and I don’t want to know!”

Sam Dixon, History, Third Year

“This girl would never clean up, but left out bitchy notes telling us what to do and what we were doing wrong.”

Well this is friendly…

Mel Jones, Natural Sciences, Second Year

“I lived with this one guy who I can only describe as an annoying snob. Firstly, cooking and coffee were his only two topics of conversation, and because of this we could never cook when he was around because he would tut and sigh and correct us.

“On top of this he would leave a massive mess whenever he cooked. Then (yes there’s more) he would play music really loudly past midnight, and wouldn’t turn it down when he was asked.

“At the end of the second term he suddenly announced that he was moving out, and told the guys in our flat that it was because ‘the girls are bitches’. Nice.”

Excuse me???

Fliss Jenner, French, Third Year

“I lived with this one guy who once dropped his cottage pie in a glass dish on the floor. Despite the fact the glass had shattered and the floor was filthy, he continued to eat the cottage pie, only stopping when his mouth started bleeding.”

Anna Jenkins, Politics, Second Year 

“My ex-boyfriend (unsurprisingly) used to come home after nights out and urinate all over my room. One time he pissed all over one of my new coats. It’s safe to say, it never happened again.”

A regular morning sight

*All names and degrees studied have been changed.

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