Who to avoid in an Exam

With all this insufferable stress amounting,  the last thing you need is an irritating peer placed next to you. 

Here’s the definitive list of people to avoid during an exam (warning, you probably are one):

1. The Panicker

We all know them – heck, we might even be them! The student that starts showing the revision-crazy eyes months before when it is deemed acceptable, taking every vaguely useful book out of the library and terminating their social life until June.

It’s not hard to identify the Panicker on the day of the exam.

Just look for the student who is pacing the halls, head in book, praying the knowledge will seep into their brains in between panic attacks and involuntary shrieks of anxiety.

You probably weren’t eagerly anticipating the exam in the first place. The last thing you want is one of these jitter-bugs making you feel even more nervous.

My advice? Try to avoid the Panicker at all costs. They will only ask you to test them or just generally put you in a bad mood.

2. The Sleeper

The next type of exam student is perhaps the Panicker’s worst nightmare: the Sleeper.

The Sleeper has probably not done much more than flick through a textbook or read over some illegible lecture notes with funny doodles on, the day before.

They know it, you know it, we all know it: they have not put in the hours.

But they are completely fine with that.

They stroll into the exam hall, bleary eyed and just slump down, head in hands and have a little nap.

Note: the sleeper may awaken to look around at the fresh talent they have been placed by, perhaps answer a couple of questions, and as soon as he/she is allowed to leave, they are the first to go.

If you find yourself placed in this category of exam student, please stop. It’s not okay and makes us all incredibly angry.

3. The Sniffler

One of the worst types of exam student that has ever existed has to be the Sniffler.

It could be the height of summer or the depths of winter; this Sniffler WILL BE SNIFFING. INCESSANTLY.

And there’s always one who is renowned for sniffing – you’ve avoided them in lectures and brought hand sanitiser to seminars – yet they seem oblivious to these hints and never bring tissues with them. It’s like they’re deliberately tormenting you.

All that would be required would be the ownership of a mere tissue, yet they can’t even get that right, do they really deserve a University degree?

If you’re placed near a Sniffer in your exam, I really do feel for you. Maybe you can apply for extenuating circumstances?

4. The Extra Paper Demander

This type of exam student does nothing particularly offensive, other than writing unnaturally fast, or having extremely large and unnecessary handwriting.

However the physical act of asking for more paper makes those around the Extra Paper Demander look up in terror and disgust as the realisation hits that they have written four times more than anyone else in the same amount of time.

This realisation will usually result in handwriting becoming more panicked and illegible as students race to catch up with the Extra Paper Demander, however I must take this moment to remind all exam-sitters that it is QUALITY not quantity that trumps all (or that’s what we all tell ourselves).

5. The Fidgeter

The Fidgeter is one type of exam student which encompasses many aspects of exam life.

From complaining about a wonky table and proceeding to demonstrate how wonky it is to the invigilator, to wearing a very loud collection of bracelets that knocks against the table every time a new sentence is started, they just seem to be placed in that room to distract.

These vibrating irritants deserve to be strapped in a jumpsuit, in order to give the rest of us some much needed peace.

I would advise perhaps sighing loudly in their direction, which will maybe halt their annoying habits, but this may also spur the more sadistic amongst them to fidget more loudly and frequently.

On all fronts, beware of the fidgeter.

6. The Perfect Student

Potentially the most irritating of them all, yet the one type we all aspire to be.

These students have managed to keep a cool head, found the perfect balance between work and play, and don’t even have any annoying traits in the exam hall with which we can release our hatred upon.

And this is exactly why we both envy and despite them.

Honestly, whilst we’re really happy you’re so clued up for the exam, perhaps you could keep your little perfect scenario to yourself, without making the rest of us feel shitty.

Anyone placed next to the perfect student is probably likely to start displaying symptoms associated with all-out chaos, and probably in the end exam disaster.

Unfortunately however, with all these irritating students around, one universal truth can be deduced.

Everyone irritates you during exams.

Get on with it and pray that you make it out on the other side.

That aside, GOOD LUCK from The Tab!