BNOC 2014: The Final Heat

The final heat sees the last four contestants enter the fray, but which BNOC are you sending through to the final?


With the finish line in sight, which of these four big-guns do you want to bring the gold home?

Isfandyar ‘Fandini’ Chaudhry

It appears that there’s a magician amongst the ranks of UoB’s most famous.

Dubbed the Great Fandini by peers and fans alike, it appears that Isfandyar has the power to be in many places at any given time.

Wherever you look, you’re sure to find the Fandi- he’s as well known on campus as chlamydia is rife on Tiverton.

According to one friend: “Ive never known someone to be so present round campus. I see Fandi literally everywhere. I dont even know what he’s doing there but it’s almost like he’s become a piece of UoB.” 

On the rare occasions when The Fandini isn’t leaving students spellbound on campus, it appears this VIP can be found waving his wand in some of Birmingham’s most exclusive nightclub venues.

He’s already magicked his way into the hearts and minds of so many, but has he cast his spell on you?

Kadyn Erskine-Small

Whilst many of us live a down-to-earth lifestyle, there are those amongst us who are flying high in the glamorous world of PR.

Kadyn is part of this exclusive group, the foundations of his notoriety honed through years working in establishments such as Urban Village and Mechu.

And the perks that come with being a big-dog promoter, are also a resource that Kadyn is all too familiar with. If you don’t know him personally, you’re sure to have heard of “that guy from Urban”.

Such is Kadyn’s fame around the Selly high street, that friends say Urban Smalls has never paid for a Dixy’s or Roosters in his life. As soon as Selly’s finest enters the shop, he’s likely to be presented with the best culinary delights that Fried Chicken can produce.

It appears that this BNOC is truly nocturnal, and when he isn’t enjoying the greasy-reward that comes with celeb-status, he can be found unwinding in Fab or revelling in Rainbow.

His urban roots have already spread throughout the bustling streets of Selly, but have they really weaved their way into campus-wide recognition?

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Jack ‘Tiger’ Dart

Rumour has it that the song-writer for the Rocky theme tune found all his necessary inspiration after a run in with this hardened brute.

When it comes to the gritty essentials of university life, Tiger Dart has become something of a legend amongst his peers.

His formidable reputation was born on the back of his Maple Bank Presidency, in which he is reported to have committed terrible atrocities.

For reasons unknown, much of the information about Dart’s regime was snuffed out last year on his orders, although rumours still circulate about an incident involving a lot of Freshers, and a lot of alcohol.

To make things worse, it appears that the tyrannic Dart has moved on to bigger and more terrible conquests since he left Maple Bank in his wake.

According to sources, both the Guild campaigns of Tetris Tim and Frankie “Says Relax” Greenwell were merely a front, bankrolled by Dart, in order for him to attempt a coup d’etat and impose himself as the first Guild dictator.

However, on learning that his latest campaign had been foiled once again, The Tiger was seen furiously trampling down Franks Relax Shack near the library.

Frankie has not been seen since that day.

Described as “having a crunchy, vulgar outer shell”, one supporter of Dart’s branded him the “scariest northman you will ever meet.”

We’re not sure whether the people love him or are simply petrified of him, but this despot certainly has loyal supporters ready to follow him wherever.

He’s already taking Campus by storm, but are there any of you willing to stand in the way of his all-out domination?

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Hattie ‘The Saviour’ Craig

Just where would we be without our beloved Hattie?

She’s done so much for us this year, and yet gained so little recognition for her acts of valour.

Not only was Hattie instrumental in directing Defend Ed’s campaign against Old Joe and that naughty VC of ours, but she’s also flown the flag for just about every right-on cause that’s ever sprouted from UoB.

Admired by so many, even worshipped by some, Hattie also commands a critical position in every student’s university life, from her all-important role as VP for Education.

On the subject of learning, we understand that when this big-fish isn’t liberating her peers from oppression with spray paint and war cries, she can be found frequenting the pages of our very own Tab, of which she is an avid reader.

According to a friend, Hattie said: “I just love The Tab and all that it stands for, I really feel like it captures and parallels my own thoughts and ideas.”

She may have  led us all to salvation, but will Hattie be rewarded with the saintly zeal that only the BNOC trophy can provide?

You're the hero we deserve, just not what we need

“You’re the hero we deserve, just not one we need right now”

And the Heat 3 results for you…