Forget the Champions League: History Staff vs Students 2014 is here
History Students and Staff are set to fight it out in a once-in-a-lifetime charity footballing extravaganza.
In a pre-match meeting of the sort typically seen only in the build up to worldwide heavyweight bouts, the Mohammad Ali of History, Chris Hill, spent some time squaring up with the students that his staff team will face on Thursday evening.
When asked what his side set out to achieve, Chris told the Tab that:
“We want to prove that us lecturers aren’t just dusty old things, we’re gonna teach you kids a lesson on the pitch just like we do off of it, and show you that whilst we clearly excel in terms of academic superiority, we’re better physically as well!
“Fans can expect champagne football at its finest, but that’s not to say we won’t go in hard – Professor Corey Ross broke someone’s ankle the last time he played – shin pads will definitely be necessary.
“Matthew Francis is also quite lethal because he doesn’t have any skill, but what he lacks in talent he makes up for with a ferociously hot temper.”
Chris then took a moment (perhaps unwisely – only time will tell…) to take us through his team, noting that not all of them played particularly regularly, but that they had amongst their ranks a Uni 1st XI keeper and a goalscorer who has notched in this season’s FA Cup. He did fail to mention until pressed however, that the right-back was closer to 60 than the students are to a potential PHD.
Chris waved away subsequent questions over the fitness of veteran Professor Richard Cust by declaring with a certain air of nonchalance: “Custy? Nah! He’s a legend!”
Whilst the staff’s attitude to fitness and injuries remained lighthearted, the Students raised a concern of their own. Alfie Thompson, History’s co-captain, has been out of action since Christmas with a recurrent knee injury. He told the Tab:
“Yeah I’m definitely going to make it back for this cup-final, even if I have to wrap the knee up in electrical tape. I don’t think I’ll be able to shoot straight, run very fast or cross the ball in the air though…” – back to normal then!
Asked to give some insight as to the mindset of the Student team, Rob Davis, History’s thirty goals-a-season striker, told the Tab: “I think you should refer to me as the thirty goal a season striker” before failing to add anything of note.
Whether or not you know the students or staff involved, the match is sure to be a spectacle to behold. If you want to check out the action, head to the Bournbrook Hockey Pitches, between Bristol Road and the Aston Webb building, from 4:00-6:00 on Thursday 20th March – more details here.
There will also be a cake sale, raising money alongside the match for Children with Cancer UK- so if you’re planning to head down, please donate here.
If you’re still not convinced, second-year History student Angharad Francis offered the female audience an ulterior motive, revealing to the Tab: “I’m just going to see Chris Hill in shorts!”