10 tips for Brits watching the Superbowl

With the Super Bowl XLVIII on until the early hours of tomorrow morning, Luke Terry gives his ten tips on how to watch Rugby with adverts.

| UPDATED

1 There will be excess

The Superbowl build up is basically a 3 hour fanfare to patriotism, over compensatory machoism and old fashion values. The whole thing would take a lot less time if they just showed footage of Bill O’Reilly’s Saturday afternoons.

Actually, I’m pretty sure this is a Monday for Bill.

Expect jets,flags the size of cars and the coin toss to decide who kicks off being called the Coin Toss Ceremony.

2 A Down is a play

Most of the terminology isn’t vital, but this is. That is, if you don’t want to spend the game wondering how a team is going to go forward 10 yards with 4 players feeling a little depressed.

3 There are mascots

The two teams in the final have pretty normal mascots so you should be fine. But if they show season highlights, try not to freak out when you see this guy.

Vikings are from ‘MURICA

Still, at least he doesn’t look like the Chargers’ mascot, who is basically Johnny Bravo after getting finger banged by Zeus.

The aptly named ‘Boltman’

4 Say “Roster”, “play book” and  “run formation” a lot

“Wow, check out that run formation. They must have a whole roster of play books”.

Trust me… I’m wearing an American sports cap.

5 If you pretend to a have a team, don’t make it Houston Texans

The more socially awkward among you may wish to Google a team in advance in case someone asks you who you support. Okay. Just don’t make it the Houston Texans. You wouldn’t go to a dog fight and pick the poodle. So you definitely shouldn’t pick the dead cat on the sidelines.

6 The halftime show

The halftime show is the chance for a huge artist to play in front of literally billions if people. This year it’s Bruno Mars so it’s also your chance to go to the loo before the second half.

Or stay if you fancy watching someone who is old enough to be your mother doing this.

7 OMAHA!!!!

For reasons best known to himself Peyton Manning like to yell Omaha before and during most plays. Maybe it’s the name of his next child. Maybe it’s a spell that allows him throw the ball perfectly. Maybe it’s the town where he has deep unresolved childhood trauma and his whole career is just a tragic plea for help. All you need to know about it is, if he says it: you drink.

8 The teams in The Superbowl are from the only two states in America to legalise marijarna

My stoner flatmates wanted you to know this.

9 The name Cauldron

Apparently a prerequisite for being an American Footballer is that you have to have a ridiculous name. On the one hand there are over-the-top super American names like Colt McCoy or Peyton Manning (who sounds like he’s an action hero made of muscle and stone that was carved from Mt Rushmore). Then you’ve got Troy Pomolomou and Micheal Hoomanawanui. As a dyslexic, these make me want to put a noose around me head and send myself to Dsylxec Haeavn.

It’s a good job he has such broad shoulders.

Genuinely, it sounds like someone found them as babies and machine-gunned them with vowels. Still, those names aren’t as strange as Ziggy Hood, who sounds like a rap group set up by middle aged white guys.

I’m just kidding you Troy, don’t hurt me

10 Drink

Last year America drank 51.7 million cases of beer. And no doubt I’ll be trying to match America drink for drink. After all, with all the drinking games out there, and Bruno Mars singing it’s hard to avoid drinking.