Tinder Twats

Is Tinder the 21st Century Cupid? Probably not.

It’s a craze that that’s been sweeping the Selly Oak singleton scene and far beyond the boundaries of Selly Sausage. But are users really on a hunt to get their hearts Tinderlinging or is this just a quick fire way to get your kicks from naked pics? I set up a profile and got my pull on.

At first, I was wary, making conversation with the caution that might be employed to ale chugging Goose locals. (No-one wants a drunk 50 year old breathing in your face). Once I got a confidence boost from a few matches I stopped being as fussy with my “LIKES” and ‘Tindering’ became an entertaining past time… even Candy Crush took a backseat to my temporary tinder hunks…

The Joker:


I indulged this fella in some flirty bantz before he cruelly ended our online fling, resulting in the most tragic and heartbreaking moment of my life..


We had a good run…wait while I put 17 biscuits in my face.

The Saucy Flirt:


This was when I started to enjoy winding up the pervs. I swiftly made my exit and pushed the Block button when this strapping specimen asked me for ‘a bit of naughty fun on snapchat’.  Apparently Mr Flirt’s going through a bit of a dry spell.

The guy with all the chat:


Unfortunately he was never going to get lucky because the response was more of an eye roll than lust. His loss though yeah?

The Charmers:


What every girl wants to hear


Emre and Billy funnily enough didn’t get replies.

The guy in search of love:

The smiley says it all

He’s taking this shit seriously…asking me about my life, telling me what I want to hear (letting me talk about myself) and I was considering indulging him with a lighthearted jaunt to The Soak…

But I couldn’t shake the suspicion of their profile picture being a cruel lie and their face actually looks like a foot, or what if they said they were single and looking but they’re actually a porn star?! (Fantasies aside…)

To see if my suspicions were justified, I caught up with a friend who daringly took the next step and went on a date. She said, “Although he was sweet he was obviously a lot more comfortable typing on his iPhone than talking in real life. I’m also convinced that the photos may have been his slightly better looking older brother”.

Tinder is no Cilla Black… even though it might be a ‘lorra, lorra laughs’, The Tab think it’s probs best to stick to FAB to pull your babes.