Scariest Halloween costumes for each degree

Some things scare us all: war, zombies, Susan Boyle’s face. But some things are only scary to people studying a certain degree. Here are just a few of them:

English: 9am start

WHAT!? I only have six hours a week and I still have to start at nine? This is total BS. I made the deal very clear. I get a lie in and people in other degrees get jobs. Simple.

9am start? Fine, but I’ll need more coffee and K cider

How to make this costume: Wear clothes and an expression that clearly say “talk to me and I’ll smash your head in with this £30, 4000 page anthology I have to lug around.”

Art: 99% of Instagram

Some photos on Instagram are beautiful and genuinely artistic. However, most of the pictures are generic sunrises or photos of someone’s dinner that do nothing but make me slightly hungry and more than slightly WantToPunchMyFaceIn-y.

How to make this costume: Put a plate of food on the ground and try to take a photo of it while simultaneously having your head up your arse. When people ask just what the fuck you are doing, reply exclusively in hashtags.

What am I dong? I’m #Making #Instagram #Pointless

Nuclear Physics: A woman

Splitting the atom; it’s very different to splitting the legs

How to make this costume: About half of you have got this down. The other half, I’m sorry; it’s either going to take months of expensive procedures or a fairly sturdy pair of scissors.

Geography: Any book without pictures

Except that book. We don’t speak of that book

How to make this costume: Tear out pages from a book and stick them to you. Warning: Geographers may attempt to chase you with crayons. 

Computer Science: A power cut

“I’m just calibrating the Intel capacitor so I can drive the gigabytes into maximum ram gjarble and…oh…shit.”

Coincidentally, this is also what my soul looks like

How to make this costume: Just disappear for the entire evening.

Classics: Vice Chancellor Eastwood

RUNNNN! Trust me, nothing is scarier to Classicists than the guy who only gets out of his Jaguar to tell the Classics department they have too much money. He also holds the record for the fastest downing of a pint of pauper’s blood, narrowly beating George Osborne.

As this photo shows, he also moonlights as a Bond Villain

How to make this costume: Go around clubs asking if people study classics. If they do, ask them to buy you a £27,000 drink, down it and piss on them. Smug look of self satisfaction optional.

Psychology: Freud’s Oedipal Complex

All that time spent studying Freud’s analysis of the mother and son relationship, it’s so dull. Doesn’t it make you long for those childhood days? Sitting outside, having a picnic with mummy, her patting you on the head, you slowly sliding your hand down her…WOAH. DUDE. NO. THIS ARTICLE ISN’T THE PLACE TO TRY AND REALISE THOSE SORTS OF DESIRES. THAT’S WHAT I LOVE TOM’S MOM IS FOR.

How to make this costume: Really? Do you really want me explain how you would do this? It just straight up isn’t a good idea; unless you live in Norfolk.

Golf Management: A Tab Article

I don’t understand it either, but apparently this sends the golf hordes crazy. It’s like the colour red to bulls. In fact the only difference is bulls are far more intelligent.

How to make this costume: It’s easy. Just say anything lighthearted about them and wait.