Best places to cry on campus

It’s fine to have a little cry from time to time. Amber Morgan shows you where


Are you mortified from that fall down the steps in your lecture? Stressing about your dissertation? Terrified of leaving the comfort of the uni bubble? Or do you just want to lament the meaning of life after missing out on Fab tickets? All is not lost- find the top snivelling spots on campus with the The Tab.

Main Library- Prime location, prime attention, perfect for theatrics. This improvised stage is ideal for a good wail. Intonation of suitably long and complicated words is also optional- perfect to remind freshers of the long hours they will waste away in the library and the inevitable consequences of a well…’minor’ breakdown.

Almost as good as Romeo's balcony...

Almost as good as Romeo’s balcony…

Old Joe- Some say his constant ticking away of university years leaves graduates-to-be sobbing into their mortar boards beneath his grandfatherly stature on graduation day.

Oh Old Joe...why do we have to leave you?!!

Oh Old Joe…why do we have to leave you?

Mermaid Square- an excellent Fab location for a breakdown (or perhaps you missed the houseplant sale), the Mermaid itself is conveniently poised in a ‘WHY ME’ pose that is perfect for accentuating your internal anguish over your spilt snakebite or even emphasising your lament over the absence of a ‘Laurentii‘ from your Selly digs.

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All I wanted was a plant to love…

Joe’s- A top location that has proved a constant favourite over the years for breakdowns upon the shocking and devastating discovery that THERE ARE NO FAB TICKETS LEFT. The knowledge that you will have to consequently submit to the ‘Fab n Fresh’ page, which presents the prospect of paying approximately £10 for your Fab Fix, means it is not unusual to find a fair few tears dropping into empty glasses here.

Just.... Whyyyyeeeee?!!

Sold out of Fab tickets- just…. whyyyyeeeee?!

Rooster House- If you did manage to get that ticket, Roosters provides an excellent glass-fronted seating area from which you are able to have a good post fab weep whilst attempting find solace in your chicken. Excellent visibility means that you are more than likely to find someone to pat you on the back (whilst attempting to steal your chips).

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Drinks 2 Go– If you’re still feeling emosh after all that, you can rely on Drinks 2 Go legend Chris to make you feel better. If even his consolation doesn’t help, well then there’s always the endless stash of alcohol to drown your sorrows in!

A Lolly for the Lady could brighten things up

A Lolly for the Lady could brighten things up…

Selly Sausage- Another frequent cause of emotional breakdown is when the Sausage runs out of well… sausage. Also a top notch afterFab haunt, you’ll often find girls crying into their Sausage over their hangover, or more likely, their Fab pull which, due to the ‘beer goggles’, didn’t look quite so Fab in the morning.

I just wanted a sausage!! Is it too much to ask?!

I just wanted a sausage! Is it too much to ask?!

Pun… probably intended.

Photos by Charlotte Wilson