Overheard on Campus

It is a wonder that some of these people got into university


Here are some of the more unusual/just plain wrong things The Tab has overheard during the last couple of weeks:

Overheard outside Victoria Hall: “I have a lecture in Muirhead Tower; how is there a lecture theatre in the clock tower?”

Not the same.

Not the same.

Someone clearly didn’t pay attention on their open day tour.

Overheard in Uni Centre: “It would be like having sex with a frog”

Amphibian or French person…you decide?

Some killjoy overheard in the iLounge: “Some of these freshers come straight from home thinking that drinking excessive amounts, vomiting and then passing out is fun. It’s not fun at all, it’s pathetic.”

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Someone call the fun police. 

Overheard outside the library: “She’s well boring but I’d shag her”

Nice.

Overheard on Teignmouth Road: girl talking over the phone “I just need it so badly!”

Probably totally legitimate and clean…

Overheard at Grange Road gate: “I don’t understand why a Canadian guy would speak French at home.”canada

The three A’s it took you to get into Birmingham were obviously not in Geography or General Knowledge. 

Overheard outside Gisbert Kapp: “I thought Canada was an island.”

Seriously, does anyone know anything about Canada?

Overheard at Vodbull at the Guild: “He looked creepy so he’s probably called Dan.”

Sorry Dan.

Overheard at Vodbull at the Guild: “If I was President, I think I would ban people who don’t look good.”

 Are you listening Poopy Wilkinson?

Overheard in Adam’s Place: “I have a really big cock, my house is two minutes away, come round and I will show you.”

Unfortunately, these people do actually exist. 

Overheard in Aldi: “I never realised people actually shopped in Aldi.”

I suspect before your ‘Gap-Yah’ mummy did all your Waitrose shopping for you.

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Overheard outside Freshers Ball: “You’re never going to pull looking like a lemon.”

You never know, there could be a fresher with a fruit fetish.

Overhear in Underground at Fab: “Does anyone actually like JaegerBombs?”

Probably not, but you need something to keep you off your face at Fab.

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Overhear in Mermaid Square at Fab: “I know French! I know French! Eins, zwei, drei.”

Fail.

Overheard in Roosters after Fab: “I’ll have a number two please, but it better not be shit.”

Unfortunately this individual was so inebriated he didn’t realise the witty, albeit crude, pun he had just made.

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I hope there isn’t a number two, in my Roosters box.

 

Overheard in the Mason lounge: “He’s stopped putting 3 kisses on the end of texts so I guess that’s over.” 

Go back to year 10, please.