Overheard on Campus

Here are some of the more unusual/just plain wrong things The Tab has overheard during the last couple of weeks:

Overheard outside Victoria Hall: “I have a lecture in Muirhead Tower; how is there a lecture theatre in the clock tower?”

Not the same.

Someone clearly didn’t pay attention on their open day tour.

Overheard in Uni Centre: “It would be like having sex with a frog”

Amphibian or French person…you decide?

Some killjoy overheard in the iLounge: “Some of these freshers come straight from home thinking that drinking excessive amounts, vomiting and then passing out is fun. It’s not fun at all, it’s pathetic.”

Someone call the fun police. 

Overheard outside the library: “She’s well boring but I’d shag her”

Nice.

Overheard on Teignmouth Road: girl talking over the phone “I just need it so badly!”

Probably totally legitimate and clean…

Overheard at Grange Road gate: “I don’t understand why a Canadian guy would speak French at home.”

The three A’s it took you to get into Birmingham were obviously not in Geography or General Knowledge. 

Overheard outside Gisbert Kapp: “I thought Canada was an island.”

Seriously, does anyone know anything about Canada?

Overheard at Vodbull at the Guild: “He looked creepy so he’s probably called Dan.”

Sorry Dan.

Overheard at Vodbull at the Guild: “If I was President, I think I would ban people who don’t look good.”

 Are you listening Poopy Wilkinson?

Overheard in Adam’s Place: “I have a really big cock, my house is two minutes away, come round and I will show you.”

Unfortunately, these people do actually exist. 

Overheard in Aldi: “I never realised people actually shopped in Aldi.”

I suspect before your ‘Gap-Yah’ mummy did all your Waitrose shopping for you.

Overheard outside Freshers Ball: “You’re never going to pull looking like a lemon.”

You never know, there could be a fresher with a fruit fetish.

Overhear in Underground at Fab: “Does anyone actually like JaegerBombs?”

Probably not, but you need something to keep you off your face at Fab.

Overhear in Mermaid Square at Fab: “I know French! I know French! Eins, zwei, drei.”

Fail.

Overheard in Roosters after Fab: “I’ll have a number two please, but it better not be shit.”

Unfortunately this individual was so inebriated he didn’t realise the witty, albeit crude, pun he had just made.

I hope there isn’t a number two, in my Roosters box.

Overheard in the Mason lounge: “He’s stopped putting 3 kisses on the end of texts so I guess that’s over.” 

Go back to year 10, please.