Behind the bar at Fab

A diary of a Fab shift by a staff member at Joe’s. This is what we got out of them.


I’ve spent the past few Saturday nights behind the bar at Fab. Whilst you may be having the time of your lives, spare a thought for those on the sober side of the bar.

The bar staff at Fab see everything- the dodgy outfit choices, the heroic fancy dress and the juvenile drunken behaviour, we see it all. Here is a diary of a Fab shift and the traumas that were witnessed.fab1

11:00 – Shift starts, red bull downed in the staff room ready for the next few hours of aimless VK bottle opening and J-Bomb making.

11:20 – first customer of the night, delightful girl ordered 4 shots of Sambuca for her and her friends. Said please and thank-you (proof that manners do cost nothing) and was very pleasant; unfortunately she was one of the few pleasant customers I encountered.

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12:15 – my first real twat of the night, decided he would help himself to the straws on the front of the bar. In an effort to try and get them back I held his friend’s drinks hostage. I was appalled at the lack of support for his friend. Clearly he would rather be some big shot who stole a pack of straws than take the bullet so his friend gets his drinks.

12:45 – to the girl who called me ‘OI!’ I will not serve you, learn some manners- we are not your slaves.

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01:20 – the start of the water brigades. It seemed that every single person wanted water. To make matters worse there is only one water tap at Joe’s. So 12, or more, staff all being asked for water is very time consuming. My message for those people who cannot handle their alcohol and need water is GO HOME!

02:00 – Break Time! But the classy people at Fab threw out an interesting story. On my way to my break and the conversation I witness is a threesome proposition. A couple were desperately on the phone trying to find someone to join them in the sack. To the guy in the black t-shirt and tan chinos, you lad…

All a bit of a blur at Fab

All a bit of a blur at Fab

02:40 – the biggest fashion disaster of the night. A lime green and orange patch dress. A bit too garish, especially when combined with the hideously inappropriate blue 4inch heels; I suspect she had difficulty walking for her Rooster House.

03:00 – Just because you ‘only want’ water does not give you the right to hail me from across the bar. I’m serving people in the order I see fit. Water does not give you more priority than the people who want 6 J-Bombs, a Grenade and 3 Sambucas.

03:40 – Minding my own business cleaning the bar, I look up and there see the scantily clad girls who decided they wanted more attention so decided to perform a lesbian kiss. I personally find this very off putting, it’s all a desperate cry for attention.

04:00 – the lights go on the music stops then the inevitable happens. The Yaya Touré chant. Please just let it die. I beg you.

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There go the details of an eventful Fab shift. To be honest I may complain about customers and their drunken shenanigans but in reality this job is a pleasure.

 Photos by Photosoc