How to avoid post exam boredom

Some ‘helpful’ ways to avoid post-exam boredom from Luke Terry

11 years ago

How to avoid post exam boredom.

Now exams are over we all have a bit too much free time. If you, like me, have exhausted your fall into alcoholism just consult this helpful list:

1 Go to Snobs

Ah Snobs, the club where three people kicked me in the head. Yet I just can’t quit the excitement and violence. I feel like Rhianna. Snobs is my Chris Brown. Although unlike Chris Brown, Snobs plays good music. Sure, the place is rough, but everyone there is incredibly friendly. And the rules are lax, you can meet girls like this. Forbidden mosh pits are common fare, not that the bouncers seem to care. You could probably snort coke off the bar. I recommend this place to everyone. Even wife beaters like Chris Brown. I mean, it’s only £1 for a bottle of Stella.

Good ol’ Snobs

2 Steal someone’s Netflix

Netflix is good. Free Netflix is amazing. So settle down without fear that the police will be arriving about the license fee and enjoy. Plus Netflix has culled the hordes of TV shit, like Strictly Come Dancing. Strictly was once defended by BBC Arts Director Will Gompetz as “demonstrating expression through movement”. Mr Gompetz, if you want to see self expression through movement, put Strictly on the TV and see how many people leave the room. Although Strictly does have a strong anti-drugs message, with Bruce Forsyth the spitting image of Basil Brush post crack addiction.

3 Don’t entirely trust Netflix

There is still a lot of crap on Netflix. Like Geordie Shore, the worst of the ‘Look How Weird People With Regional Accents Are’ shows. It features a woman called Holly Hagen, who once said “If someone puts a cock in your face it’s instinct to suck it”. It’s amazing that Holly has time ponder such deep matters of the human condition inbetween sucking cock and spitting on the graves of suffragette leaders.

4 Obsess about what someone wrote in a Tab article. Then litter that article with poorly thought out comments, revealing the insecurity of the person who wrote the comment more than forming any form of cogent defence.

Oh, actually it seems like some people have beaten me to it. They must be really proud. Especially when three golfers assaulted me in the Fab toilets. But no, you seem really chilled about your degree.

5 Burn Mason

I wouldn’t explicitly ask for this but if you do decide to burn down Mason, let me know so I can masturbate over the ashes.

6 Set up a comedy open mic night

Genuinely, there are almost none in Birmingham. There’s the occasional Guild event but other than that, nothing. None in Selly or Digbeth and one in Cradley Heath. Over the holidays I’m going all the way to Hull. HULL; a place so bland and grey it looks like Ed Miliband’s wet dream. I’d almost rather perform at the AGMS social.

Welcome to Hull!

7 Go to the pen museum

Professor Sir David Cannadine, VP of the Pen Museum

Brum Mayor checking out the pens

8 Regret going to the Pen Museum.

9 Repeatedly tell everyone about the music festival you’re going to. You got tickets to Glastonbury? What’s that? Sure I’ll pass the salt so you can rub it into my wounds.

HEY EVERYONE- I’M GOING TO GLASTONBURY

10 Play Golf

GOLF IS GREAT AND PEOPLE DOING GOLF MANAGEMENT SHOULD DEFINITELY STOP COMING AROUND AND RIPPING DOWN MY FLATMATE’S CURTAINS. Everyone else ignore the capitalised part. I wouldn’t wish golf on anybody. And if you do want to pay lots of money to hang out with other rich white guys, no one’s burned down Mason yet.