Spare a thought for the Golf Managers this exam season

Some of you might have read my article on ways to increase exam stress. I hope you liked it. The people who do golf management didn’t.

Apparently some of the jokes I made about them and their course upset them. I also said whales should be harpooned for music, assassinating Adele would solve famine and it’s a pity that Jan Moir hasn’t been churned into beef. No one complained about that. Actually,  one person out of the 10,418 that read the article complained about the Adele comment. Jan Moir hasn’t written anything back to me even after I called her a “racist homophobe”. Adele hasn’t eaten me. Even though I joked about her species being harpooned. Yet, despite all of that, it was the golf management part that upset some people.

Here is the text from the article verbatim.

Hang around people who are really really good at your subject

If you do English, follow around hipsters. If you do SPECS, follow the group of people all wearing identical tracksuits. If you do golf management, follow around idiots. In fact if you do Golf Course Management, nothing on Earth will be able to stress you in your blissful world of sunshine and butterflies.

Little did I know that apparently cruising around in golf buggies and using the bunker as a sandpit all day has stressed them. I got a hailstorm of tweets to my Twitter @Vitrioholic. And whilst I am impressed that the golf course managers learnt to type, some of the tweets were aggressive.

One said: “@Vitrioholic I suggest you do some research before you start writing bullshit articles about golf course management”.

Others used the hash tags #prick and #youracunt. (Maybe I am, but you’re incapable of using the correct you’re because you’re stupid).

Some didn’t even bother talking about the article: “@Vitrioholic is a load of shite”.

So let’s analyse some of these tweets.

You’re right. I should have called it by it’s real name: Watching Grass Grow Studies.

Don’t get me wrong, I do English. There’s no way I’m ever getting a job. I’m going to be blowing people on street corners to pay the rent. But your degree is pointless. For most people, mowing the lawn and looking after old people is a chore. You’re paying nine grand to learn how to do it. NINE GRAND. Think of all the things a golf management student could buy with NINE GRAND. Think of all the adult nappies he could get.

‘Don’t knock it until you’ve tried it’ is normally quite a good sentiment, but not with jumping off cliffs or chewing glass or doing golf management.

My favourite comment is this one though.

I don’t know how to make this clearer: YES. Not directly enough apparently. You Sam Flipczak are an idiot.

And in your (and that’s the right your by the way) honour I wrote this while watching SpongeBob SquarePants.

I’d say sorry, I’m not sorry but I’m not even sorry I’m not sorry. I’m glad I’m not sorry.

I’ve been warned…