Go Green Week: Old Joe gets an STI

Is Old Joe’s new disease going to save the planet? Torin Pocock thinks not.


What’s green and eats nuts? Syphilis.

As the more astute among you may have noted, Old Joe has taken on a slightly syphilitic hue of green over the past week.

No, he isn’t keeping vigil with the infected of Dawlish Road. In case you didn’t know, last week was the fabulous University initiative ‘Go Green Week’!

That’s right, because while China and the USA cough out carbon like Kerry Katona, what’s really going to make a difference is you freezing your nips off walking to Sainsbury’s instead of driving there…

I am reliably informed that the University spent a cool £1,000 on a Go Green Week mascot. Nope, I don’t know either. I can only assume that it’s some sort of phantom or poltergeist; not the ideal choice for heightening the profile of an event.

‘Kind of a big deal’…for £1,000 I should hope so!

It’s not that I don’t appreciate the cause. I too have watched An Inconvenient Truth and was concerned to hear that the impact of global warming will be worse than originally expected. Especially considering they originally predicted it would destroy the world.

I do however question to what extent this week is just the University ticking a box. Screw a lecture on sustainable approaches to poverty alleviation! Let’s look at ourselves first.

I don’t know where they buy the multi-coloured bulbs for Old Joe, but I’m pretty sure it’s not Poundland. I wouldn’t be surprised if they got the green bulb as part of a multi-pack, and it was so expensive that they felt they had to create Go Green Week to justify it.

I did my bit for Go Green week by sitting in the dark

It was with these thoughts in mind that I sat at my kitchen table in complete darkness. Although I do shout at my housemates for leaving the lights on, it’s not because of some absurd ‘every time you leave a light on a fairy/polar bear dies’ theory.

It’s because Scottish Power seem to think, for the privilege of an equitable lighting level, I should take on the lifestyle of Howard Hughes; developing OCD and using a special fork to regulate meal sizes.

Howard Hughes has nothing on me

If you’re going to spend quite a bit of money on an initiative, make sure the results outweigh the costs. By all means teach me how to save money, and for the love of God teach students in Selly how to recycle, but let’s make sure that is down before we start a series of grandiose lectures.