London Shitland

5 reasons why Rosie Burns is fed up with the shoddy rail experience provided by London Midland.


1.     There are never any free seats.

It is an absolute mission to attempt to find a decent seat on a London Midland train. Half the time, other passengers decide that their hideous Paul’s Boutique bag deserves a seat instead of the student with a massive suitcase on her back. There is also an abundance of crying children and babies, automatically deterring you from sitting near them. So, as always, you end up crammed in the corner by the doors instead.

2.     The trains are never ever on time.

DELAYED

Most students will know that trains running from Birmingham New Street to ANYWHERE in the country are always, without fail, delayed.

Even when you think the train is going to reach its destination on time, London Midland like to play around with our short tempers and stop in the middle of a tunnel for a few minutes, just for a laugh.

But don’t worry, London Midland are on Twitter to provide you with plenty of useful information, such as these very informative tweets:

Cheers for that painfully cringe tweet Dave, but i’d rather you just told me where my train is

>:- (

No, didn’t want to know

Although we can’t fault them on their manners

3.     New Street Station/Selly Oak Station

Why are the staff members at New Street so useless? Half the time they’re not there at the pathetic excuse for ticket barriers, so if you do buy a train ticket, you feel like you’ve wasted a whole load of money, even if it is less than £2. When they are there, they still don’t even glance at your ticket because they clearly do not give a shit. But of course, when you refuse to buy one out of principle, they catch you out and fine you, unless you know the secret of how to avoid the ticket barriers entirely…

 4.  The trains are so ugly.

Rosie’s not a fan of the colour scheme

Compared to other trains, London Midland trains are so ugly. The colour scheme is all over the place, the seat pattern hurts my eyes and carriages smell like Selly Oak.    

5. Fellow commuters

No matter the destination of your train, you will always find an odd ball on a London Midland train. Half the people on a London Midland train seem as if they’re simply there for some warmth. There is always the tramp; yellow teeth, an oversized coat. The foreign pervert who always sits opposite you and repeatedly winks while staring at your chest. The group of girls who laugh hysterically and the most unfunny things. The disapproving old person. Finally, there is always the group of students complaining about everything and anything , especially London Shitland.