Running low on inspiration for your Valentine this year? We’ve got it covered.
For Him- Gentleman’s Willy care kit
Apart from the inherent insult implied with this gift, you must consider the fact that I doubt there is man in the world that would appreciate the teeny-tiny viewing mirror and silver Willy medallion.
Personalised card – Sexy name tattoo
Of course, you may need a card to go with this well-thought-out gift so why not choose one that is completely devoid of any kind of romance? After deciding whose name (yours or his?) should be printed onto a stranger’s body in the form of a tramp-stamp, you then get to send the picture of this scantily clad female to your own partner.
£1.99-£5.99 from Gettingpersonal.com
For Couples-His and Her Horny Hooks (with big suckers)
You can pretty much guarantee that no one will be feeling horny after they are force to consider the fundamentally awful idea of genitalia acting as hooks.
£1.00 from Poundland
Ceramic Egg Cups
Forget roses and chocolate…
£7.50 from M&S
For Her- Valentines Performing pig
This pig, should you be silly enough to press its arm, will shake it’s creepy little head and serenade you loudly and frustratingly with its rendition of Sonny and Cher’s ‘I got you babe’ no matter how frantically you work to try and make it stop.
Like pinball but sexier… apparently.
99p- the 99p shop.
If you want to piss off, thoroughly disappoint or repel your Valentine this week, we suggest getting one of the above.