Van Tran: She Doesn’t Even Go Here!

In her own words she’s ‘short, stupid and bitchy’. The Tab has done the impossible and got some words out of the mysterious Van Tran


Like any avid reader of the ‘Overheard at the University of Birmingham’ page, we are fans of the elusive Van Tran.  Also like many others, I was disappointed when her eavesdropping and ‘boy or girl’ comments disappeared from the group and she was nowhere to be found on Facebook.

Van Tran’s mysterious Facebook profile

So when she stumbled across the new ‘Spotted’ page, we just had to pounce. Not to be deterred by the lack of mutual friends or clarity of whether ‘she’ is even human, I added her.

Here is what she told me.

The Tab: Have you ever actually been to Birmingham uni?

Van Tran: Skip.

How do you hear so much?

VT: The walls have ears.

Have you ever been to Fab?

VT: Won’t answer. [Ask] another

As the conversation was running a little dry, I decided to take a different approach. While I had been eager to find out some basic facts about her to clarify if she has actually ever even been to England, let alone Birmingham, Van Tran had suggested I ask questions about her health. I was intrigued. She quite openly revealed that she used to have a problem:

VT: [I’ll] give you a guess, it happens when sleeping or napping.


VT: I used to wear something others don’t…

You wet the bed?

VT: Good guess. I used to.

We thought the conversation could not get more bizarre. It was a bit strange  that she was more then willing to admit she wets the bed, but refused to answer whether or not she attends UoB. Just when I thought things couldn’t get weirder, they did.

Who is your idol?

VT: Myself.

Describe yourself in three words?

VT: Short, Stupid and Bitchy

What’s the bitchiest thing you’ve ever done?

VT: I threw my friend’s knickers in the rubbish.

With Van Tran supplying us with more then enough material, The Tab could have been happy to admit defeat. But with all the strange answers she had given us, we were convinced that she had no affiliation with Birmingham and were determined to prove it. We needed to think of a question everyone at Birmingham Uni would be able to answer, to catch her out. And we did.

What do you think of Selly Oak?

VT: Is that where Robin Hood lived?

At this point, The Tab decided to leave Van Tran to get back to her trolling ways, convinced she actually has never stepped foot on campus.

While everyone has an opinion on her, she will remain, for now at least, Birmingham Uni’s most infamous troll and Facebook celeb. Quite an achievement for someone who clearly, ‘doesn’t even go here’.