Halls Stereotypes: how to spot ’em

But Daddy, I wanted a mini cooper!

To spot the archetypal Mason male you either need to be at Mechu on a Thursday night, or hang around the pitches looking for the rugby team. In their natural habitat, the Masonmale sports Jack Wills tracksuit bottoms, a gilet and will be accompanied by a heart-stoppingly stunning girl. Fresh from the pages of an Abercrombie catalogue, she will shatter your confidence in seconds. Even worse, the tan probably is real, and it was probably acquired on an Island that her Dad owns. Don’t forget to look for the signature giveaway items; the UGG boots. I think we’d all pay a lot of money to watch, ‘Laid in Mason.’

Classic Mason; “How much were your school fees?”

On the other side of the Vale, and on the other side of the economic spectrum we find the students of Maple Bank. Here reside the hippies fresh from the jungles of their gap yah in South America, and the hedonistic party goers. Arch enemies of our friends at Mason, Maple are known for their ‘go hard or go home attitude,’ often seen tearing up Broad Street in hideous pink outfits. But beware- stepping into a Maple Bank kitchen may be a risk to your health.

Classic Maple: “Are you still drunk? I can’t remember the last time I was sober. Also, does your shower work? Ours doesn’t.”

Are you in Maple by any chance?

Neighbours to Maple Bank, the clever students of Elgar rarely venture out of the rooms unless it’s in their cars. They tend to keep themselves to themselves but you’ll occasionally see them out and about, having a wild one at the library. It’s also known as the gap year halls and is definitely home to a wide variety of students!

Classic Elgar: Silence.

It can quite often be hard to tell apart our friends in Shackleton from the Jack Wills-clad Mason crowd but there are subtle differences. They are often seen around campus flashing their meal plans cards and buying their good-looking friends a cheeky Starbucks. Rarely will you meet someone from Shackelton but they do exist, either that or half the rooms are empty. Maybe Rio’s is secretly a nightclub only known to these allusive residents…probably not though.

Classic Shackleton: “I actually love Rio’s on a Sunday.”

Pritchatts is given a hard time by the lucky Vale dwellers, and it actually deserves more praise then it receives. Also known as ‘Medic-land,’ Pritchatts know how to party. The kinds of people depend on the type of halls, with Oakley and Ashcroft being known as the more wild places to live in your first year. Altogether, ‘Pritchatters’ are the mysterious phantoms of the UOB Freshers.

Classic Pritchatts: (Wiping away tears) “It’s fine, I didn’t even put the Vale down as one of my choices.”

The only hall to rival Maple in terms of the party lifestyle is Tennis Courts. These lucky people get to roll out of bed just ten minutes before lectures and still be acceptably late. They are known for being proud of TC (maybe a little too much) and are generally rather outgoing. There is also a sense of anonymity to Tennis Courts; it’s so huge, you will often find people going home to the wrong block. Another favourite choice of residence for the Gap Yah crowd.

Classic TC: ‘TENNIS COURTS, TENNIS COURTS, TENNIS COURTS’ (to the theme of ‘HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO, HERE WE GO’)

Tennis Courts… new balls please

A halls of residence in Selly Oak? It just doesn’t seem right. In fact, not much about Victoria Halls is right.This rather ominous building seems to house a wide variety of people, from international students to friendless fifth years. The perk of being on campus is dampened by a social life that resembles a damp tea towel going stale. You could easily go your first year without meeting anyone who lives here.

Classic Vicky: ‘When’s your flight home?’