Brum Boys: Where to meet which kind of guy

Ironic woolen jumpers, Made in Chelsea, low-cut tops? We tell you where to find them.


Birmingham has many, many clubs.  But where exactly do you go to meet which kind of guy? The Tab presents the ultimate guide to finding your ideal Birmingham Boy.

Gatecrasher

Guys in Gatecrasher generally have lower cut tops than most of the girls in there and often, their pecs rival any impressive cleavage a girl has put on show. In Gatecrasher, you will generally find what I like to call a ‘bump and grind’ guy. It is the mode of communication. The music is so loud, it’s impossible to hear anyone speak, so this kind of guy communicates through groping. If this is your kind of thing, you will love Gatecrasher, where eye contact and sexy dancing equate a conversation. Unless you spend your entire night by yourself because you get lost. Standard.

Lower cut tops than most of the girls

 

Snobs

Aka, a paradise for indie lovers. Guys in snobs often have the following:

1. An ‘ironic’ woollen jumper. I always wonder if they must get a bit hot, dancing to Joy Division in what looks like a nylon/acrylic blend, but apparently it can’t be too bad, as it’s pretty much the standard uniform.

2. Thick rimmed glasses. Only acceptable if they only need them to see.

3. Very dilated pupils. I naively like to assume that’s from enjoyment of the music and nothing else.

If you want a faux-deep discussion about music, head into the smoking area. Here you can wax lyrical about bands in the attempt to pull. But REMEMBER to only reference cool bands. If you in-avertedly reference a love of Boyzone (even ironically) it is very likely the indie boy you have been talking to will make excuses, go back inside and try to pull someone else. When in doubt, talk about the Smiths. Everyone in Snobs likes the Smiths.

Mechu

Often deemed a ‘classy’ night out, it is probably, the smartest student night in Birmingham. Mechu attracts Rahs and wannabe Rahs quite a bit, so if you’re looking for a discount Made in Chelsea-esque guy, head here. A Mechu boy doesn’t have the ‘anything goes’ nature of a Gatecrasher one, but in Mechu you can have an actual conversation, which is nice, if you’re into that kind of thing.

Loving the pout boys

Risa

Risa boys are generally pretty happy go-lucky kind of guys. I mean, it’s hard after-all to have a punch-up in the cheesy room whilst Steps plays in the background. Here you will meet a Birmingham Boy who wants to dance ‘ironically’ with you on a light-up dance floor. This guy is harmless and fun, perfect if you aren’t looking for anything significant that evening. Top points if you manage to attract someone while dancing to ‘Reach’ by S Club 7. All of this is dependent on whether you can bear the stale stench that seems to permeate through Risa, though.