Student elections were so much better when a pirate was running

No, I don’t want to read your manifesto


Election week at QUB is arguably the most mind numbing week of the year. Flyers are thrown in your face, page requests fill your notifications, nominees frantically message you asking if you’ll vote for them. Dare you sit down at a McClay computer for too long and, in military fashion, someone will march up and all but take the mouse from your hand in order to make sure you vote. We wouldn’t mind so much if they were dressed as a pirate.

March 2014 was the one and only time I voted in a student election. Because one of the presidential candidates was dressed as a bloody pirate. Between lengthy manifestos and vague pledges of “welfare” and “employability”, all of the candidates tend to blur into one. It’s not that we don’t care about the issues, but no one seems to have any clue how to be engaging.

You’re all the same though

The speeches held in the SU are soul destroying. When candidates take turns answering questions from the audience, there will be students trying to pretend it’s serious. They’ll ask about their stance on the refugee crisis, or change in student finance repayment, and everyone will nod as if these candidates have any fucking power to do anything about it. If you’re going to make false promises then at least promise us cannons outside the SU, and that the solution to the flag debate lies in the Jolly Rodger. Listening to the drivel at the election events, we almost want to leap out of our seats and ask: “But what do you think of Fly Monday’s? Is Boojum really all it’s cracked up to be?”.

We need more pirates running

When we were told about a puppy room, we thought we’d hit the jackpot. This was the dream, a notion that seemed too impossibly perfect. But even the puppy room was a massive disappointment. We all imagined a room full of fucking puppies, what we got was awkward eye contact as five fully-grown adults took turns stroking a dog.

We don’t want buzzwords and pledges. We’re at uni, give us a gimmick.