Newcastle NI is the most beautiful place to grow up in the UK

We may not have Geordie Shore, but we’re still the best


I blame the ridiculous popularity of Geordie Shore for making my life so tough – that along with the fact that people seem to confuse me with Hollywood Superstar Jennifer Lawrence.

When you’re from Newcastle NI the standard fresher question “where are you from?” always results in people staring at you, confused and probably wondering why your accent doesn’t resemble those famous Geordie’s off TV. To be honest, I never expected to be met with such confusion over my beautiful hometown, only because I believe it’s probably the best place to live, possibly in the whole entire world. Here’s why.

Were blessed with so, so many ice cream shops

I hate that one day these will kill me

If you ever come to Newcastle, you won’t leave without tasting an ice cream. We have pretty much every kind of ice cream you could ever wish for. Whether you want to keep it simple with a plain (and overpriced) Honeycomb ice cream from Mauds, or you might even fancy a frozen yogurt from Lick!, or possibly a cheeky #tb to your childhood summer days in Portrush by sampling Newcastle’s own version of Morellis. Better yet, being served death by chocolate and diabetes in the form of a Nuggy Pot from Nugelato. There’s a reason why those things are so damn addictive. It’s also the reason we won’t be fitting into any of our summer clothes this year either.

Our massive festival with planes is incredible

It’s Newcastle’s own version of Glastonbury: minus the terrible stench of people who haven’t showered for four days, the almost destroyed welly boots and instead of Kanye West headlining the stage, think of your second favourite Cool FM DJ’s sitting awkwardly at the booth on stage trying to commentate on the current position of planes in the sky. Yes, it’s the Festival of Flight. Every year people get so excited about seeing planes flying about, sometimes doing tricks if the weather permits. You’ll meet people who have travelled hundreds of miles just to see these God damn planes. You come for the Red Arrows, but stay for the craic.

You probably experienced your first kiss here

Everyone remembers their first time at Sparkys, or if you’re old enough, The Mine. Two separate lines: girls and boys. You can hear Basement Jaxx’s Where’s Your Head At playing in the background. The only thing from stopping you shifting that boy you really fancied in your year was the bouncer stood in front of you, patting you down for chewing gum. If you were really cool, like my friend Georgia, you could take full advantage of your developing chest area to sneak it in, “they can’t feel you there” – she was right. Throwing it right back to standing at the bar area waiting to be served your £3 Boost in a cup – which in hindsight is a total waste when you could have just headed to the local Lidl to pick up own brand energy drinks to get you absolutely hyped for Friday night’s adventures. Remember your slut runs? Remember being unfortunate enough to catch mono off some random boy from Bonny’s you met while jumpstyling to Darren Styles – Come Runnin’? I can almost taste the forbidden chewing gum.

We have the best local legends

What a beautiful filter

Newcastle has had its fair share of famous faces bopping about every so often. Every now and again there will be rumours of celebrities like Ant and Dec, Justin Bieber or even Niall Horan from One Direction floating around – which most of the time are just rumours. But sometimes, we find one. One week, I came home to my mum telling about Jamie Redknapp being in Gordon’s Chemist down the street. But I was the fool when she showed me the picture on Facebook.

And of course, it wouldn’t be a celebrity spotting in Newcastle without a few pictures of Rory McIlory showing up every now and again at the Royal County Down golf course. In May, the town went into overdrive at the thought of getting some well known golfers’ pictures. These ‘famous’ golfers, who I couldn’t name to save my life, covering my news feed every night of the Irish Open. By the end of the probably the longest weekend of my life, I never wanted to hear about golf again.

We’re in Game of Thrones

Another neat thing about Newcastle is that Tollymore Forest Park is in actual Game of Thrones. My A-Level study leave consisted of my mum and I driving around the Game of Thrones trailers, waiting for anyone to come out.

Welcome to adulthood (and vodka)

When you turn 16 in Newcastle, you enter a potentially dangerous stage in your life. You’re now too old for Sparky’s (cut of age is approximately 14) and too young for any other nightclubs around – unless you had really good ID. However, Newcastle has an answer to your dilemma. Quinn’s Bar.

While you might have experienced your first kiss at Sparky’s, you probably experienced your first drink (and possibly your first drunken night) at Quinn’s. You probably found yourself too drunk to formulate a sentence in the ridiculously cramped smoking area. I make it sound worse than it was, but believe it or not, I had some of the best nights out I’ve ever had at Quinn’s while being stone-cold sober. I would consider that an achievement. But dear God please, no matter what, don’t go to the beach.

This big metal ball

Why?

No one really knows why this exists, but it’s a thing. People climb it sometimes. It’s like Newcastle’s version of the other weird ball thing outside Victoria Square. Why do developers in Northern Ireland like putting random silver balls everywhere?

#StopTheProdigy2009

Think of Tennant’s Vital, but smaller and shitter. That was The Prodigy in Donard Park in 2009. No one remembers why this was such a big issue, but it happened. Why did they come to Newcastle? No one knows. The closest we’ve gotten since was Cool FM’s attempt of a music festival in the local Gaelic pitch. But we had Ed Sheeran perform here before he was famous, so who’s really winning here?

Don’t believe me? Eddy did play smaller gaelic pitches before Croker

Lastly, check out this view

Beautiful isn’t it? There’s a reason why the Mourne’s were voted the UK’s best view. It’s also probably why it was one of the main influences in C.S Lewis’s The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.

Newcastle’s pretty special, and we all know it. From pedalo swans to amusements packed full of roaming, boisterous children on a hot summer’s day, Newcastle pretty much has it all. Newcastle-Upon-Tyne can have its well-known nightlife and its Geordie Shore, and that weird glass building beside the river. Newcastle, Co. Down has everything you could ever need and more. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

@jesslawrenzo