The people you will always meet in the Holylands

We’re suckin’ diesel now bais


If you ever find yourself dandering down Damascus, picking up a 10 glass from Wineflair or cutting some shapes in the Hatfield, you’ll meet all of these people.

The standard issue culchie

He’s wearing a GAA top of his home county, Buckfast in one hand, Boojum in the other. That’s how she’s cuttin’.

Techno hipster townies that moved into the Holylands for the ‘Bant’

Easily spotted by their vintage Adidas jackets, burgeoning addiction problems and ironic self-awareness that they live in ‘the lands’. The kind of fellas that until six months ago shopped exclusively at Hollister before they tried their first pill. You know any party at theirs will be a ‘mad one’ filled with serious ‘Bant’.

The boy whose iPod only has “Wagon Wheel” on it

Who are we kidding? This is every one in the Holylands.

The poor retired man who lives beside a party house

George 63, loves the vibrancy of life in the Holylands, but wishes “the Bundoran Bais” would only operate their open door policy on “The Pussy Palace” on weekends and special occasions.

The boy who travels home every weekend to put red diesel in his car

Don’t be tellin’ anyone now, will ye hai? He also gets his mammy to wash his clothes and cook him something that isn’t Boojum.

The boy who loved the Hatfield so much he got a job there

He left UUJ four years ago but he still knows everyone on the HR course. You let him pretend to be a student because every now and then he slips you a free red diesel. He’ll still be in Belfast in ten years with a wife and two kids, sounding like a real city slicker.

Hot GAA girls

You can’t deny their appeal.

Romanian kids occasionally being offered Buckfast by culchies

I know we’re all here for the craic lads, but wise up. You once played football with them on Carmel and now you feel a distant attachment like an absent father. It’s devastating to see Tiernan turn them astray.

QUB Anthropologist who’s doing their dissertation on the Holylands

“It’s a real interesting study on tribal relationships and how social circles still hold a significant amount of power, even when taken out of their natural habitat. I’ve also been absolutely fucking smashed ever since I started it.”

The boy who’s always blasting Uncle Hugo

He listens with a can of Magners and some Nutty Krust. You can tell he just misses home really.

The culchie that simply moves from house to house

He moves to the sound of craic. If there’s a party and an open door, he will be there. Does he even have a home? Does he even live here?

City girls who also moved into the Holylands for the ‘Bant’

“Absolute madness. There’s parties every  night of the week. I’ve been in some seriously rando’ houses since I moved here. I’m loving it.” They’ll be moved out before the start of semester two.

The boy who’s still not over Garth Brooks getting cancelled

A crying shame it is, a real crying shame.