Everyone you’ll meet on a night out at the Union

For the average McClay goer ripping their hair out to scrape a 2:1 on their degree, Queen’s Student Union is the ideal night out.

With cheap drinks and clubland banger after clubland banger, what else do you need?

People, obviously. Booze and beats alone does not a bar make.

 The sit-in-the-smoking-area-all-night crew 

“There’s an inside?” These people come to the SU for the atmosphere – the thick, smoky, toxic atmosphere.

They sit outside all night, vaguely listening to the thump-thump-thump of what may be Justin Bieber’s new track, but they just can’t be bothered to go back in to check because “the queue to get back out is hectic.”

So they send this guy on a recon mission..

The scout

They show up with the smokers with the sole purpose of coming back when the absolute tunes come on inside.

It’s an important position to hold within a squad, so they’re told. The occasional scout will be found with an e-cig which they bought so that they can sit and smoke with their mates.

“Wise up,” they get told, “you can smoke that inside. Did they play The Black Parade yet? Such a wee tune. Go and check.”

The girl from primary school 

You squint when you see her. You do the head-tilt. Is that so-and-so from P7? Who used to have glasses and braces? Yes, actually, it is.

And you know it is, but you don’t want the awkwardness of going over and talking to someone you haven’t seen in ten years because you’re both completely Ashton Kutchered off double vodka and Red Bulls.

What is she up to now, you wonder? “Awk well I do BTEC Hair and Beauty with a wee bit of modelling on the side these days.”

The guy who has work in the morning

Depressed wouldn’t be the word to describe the look on this poor child’s face. Like a Dickensian orphan, he has been stripped of his right to happiness.

“Do you want a drink?” you ask. “Can’t. I’ve work in the morning.”

You tear up. You remind yourself to ask your granny to light a candle for him. You begin to curse Asda for making 10 o’clock starts a thing but then realise it’s the fastest way to get a bottle of Lucozade for your hangover.

“Why am I here?” they wonder. “Do I really need my job?”

Slenderman

It’s a Friday night. You want to get dressed up and show a bit of style.

But it’s a bar, not a job interview. You always get one guy in some smart-casual variation of a suit drinking a Desperados because it’s “better quality than other beers”.

For God’s sake, stop asking him if he came straight from work. He just wants to be prepared for any surprise Christenings that may spring up during the night.

The selfie squad

#selfie #boy #girl #smoking #area #drinks #alcohol #hairgoals #squadgoals #iphone #follow4follow

These are the fundamental terminologies of the Selfie Squad. They absorb every line of that 2013 Chainsmokers song into their dialogue throughout the night.

“I don’t know if I should go for XX-PRO or Valencia. I wanna look tan.”

“I only got ten likes in the last five minutes. Do you think I should take it down?”

“But first… let me take a selfie” we get it. You have an Instagram account. “Take it with your phone,” one girl always says, “your 6S camera’s better than my 5C.”

Prince Michael of Union

They don’t call him The Prince of Union for nothing. He’s there every Friday.