I lived on Boojum for a week

And they didn’t even give me a free t-shirt

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Up until last Tuesday, I had never experienced the student delicacy that is Boojum. For those of you that aren’t aware of this local supernova, Boojum has two locations in Belfast and their speciality is burritos. Said burritos are filled to the brim with rice, beans and a meat of your choice, and for roughly £5.50 a pop it’s hard to pass up.

To pop my Boojum cherry I decided to not just try one, but spend a week eating Boojum every day. It sounded great at first. But after the past week, you’ll have a hard time geng me to walk past a Boojum without wanting to expel the contents of my stomach.

The real Holyland

Day one

After advice from my friends (and one Boojum fanatic), I arrived at the restaurant at around 3pm, missing out on both lunchtime and dinner time queues, which grow to such sizes that cordons are required to control the mobs around the outside of the building. I joined the queue inside (which, to me, was still big even though it didn’t spill out onto the pavement like most days) and browsed the menu.

I decided upon Mexican rice with pinto beans, carnitas (pulled pork) and mild salsa. My first bite was anticlimactic. While it wasn’t disgusting, it also wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. It was just meat and rice. At this stage, however, because of the basic nature of the food, I thought this week would be plain sailing.

I was wrong.

Day two

As I had discovered the day previous, one does not need anymore than one burrito a day. I couldn’t finish my first one, so I ate the rest for dinner. One burrito = a whole day’s worth of food. Now I could understand why it was so popular with students. I returned to Boojum (choosing to go to the Botanic restaurant to avoid epic embarrassment) and ordered Mexican rice, black beans and pollo (chicken), with sweet corn salsa.

This was just as basic as the day before. This challenge was easy.

Pretending to have fun

Day three 

On this day I hit the wall. I crawled back into my least favourite place in Belfast- a position formerly held by none other than El Divino- and took my residence in line. I ordered a fajita this time. I filled it with cilantro-lime rice and barbacoa (shredded beef) and salsa verde.

I can add with confidence that salsa verde is no spicier than the mild salsas. I had to force myself to bring the food to my mouth, even though it wasn’t a burrito.

Day four

When I woke up on the fourth day, I found myself empathetic with Gemma Collins of TOWIE. Why, you ask? Because she understands the struggle of eating rice and beans for three days straight. If I were her, I would have left the I’m A Celebrity jungle too.

I ended up in the swarm of people outside in the lunchtime rush, and out of all seven days this was my lowest point. I just wanted to order my burrito bowl and escape from the constant aroma of meat and filling. However, in my rush to escape I accidentally doused my meal in the wrong hot sauce. What I thought was the Cholula Chilli Garlic Hot Sauce (the only good thing about this damned place) was actually Tapatío, otherwise known as Lucifer’s literal ejaculate.

One bite in and my tongue felt like it had been dipped into a well of wildfire.

Beginning to admit defeat

Day five 

I was getting sick of this by say five, but I tried a fajita  I went for chorizo and Mexican rice and had to sit at the dinner table because “Sunday is family day”. I had entered the ninth stage of my own personal hell (which was on the verge of tears) as I sat with a cold bundle of tortilla and meat whilst the rest of my family ate roast chicken and stuffing soaked in gravy. I rued the day I ever began the challenge, and at this stage I was ready to give up altogether.

Day six 

I didn’t give up. If there was one thing I can credit myself with for this week (considering that I did nothing but complain and was a complete baby about this task) is I didn’t compromise my journalistic integrity. I just found a way around it on day six by having nachos with chilli con carne rather than a wrap. This was accompanied by a Desperados and a side of hope. There was only one more day, one day more. And then I would never have to eat rice and beans again.

Devil sauce

There was a considerable spring in my step when I woke up. I recruited friends to accompany me to have my last ever Boojum and I decided to go back to my roots and have the same thing as I first had. I tried my best to enjoy it, really I did, but I had travelled too far to ever enjoy burritos again.

Funnily enough, when researching for this article I discovered that when Lewis Carroll wrote The Hunting Of The Snark, he invented the “Boojum”, which is an imaginary, terrifying beast. That definition could not ring more true to any living being than it can to me. So, seven days later, nearly £40 down, and probably three thousand stone of weight gain, my tragic tale of how Boojum both made and broke me all in one week is done. That’s me done, thanks.