A guide to achieving popularity for QUB freshers

So you’ve made it through your A-Levels, met your offer and are off to study at QUB. Your parents are thrilled and granny has already sent you a congratulations card, complete with a new pair of socks that you’re fully expecting to be knocked off during your first ever Freshers’ week.

But along with all this excitement comes the usual anxieties: What will my halls be like? Where is the best place to go out? How am I going to get people to notice how cool I am? Well, fear not young paddawan, this is how to make all your Fresher’s dreams come true while avoiding the common mistakes that your lesser predecessors have made.

It’s gonna be a big year

Where the magic happens

The first step to your Freshers’ domination should be to establish your room in halls as the place to be.

You’re going to want to start by covering those drab, cinderblock walls of Elms with posters of bands and films that you’ve heard are cool from your hipster cousin’s Tumblr. The older the better – everyone loves someone who knows incredibly specific trivia about films that were made long before they were.

And forget all those warnings about damage to the paint and deductions from your deposit that the staff at elms give you; nail and blue-tac those suckers to the wall.

Home sweet home

Next, the sound system. No one likes a silent disco, no matter how much the Student Union might try to push them. So skip the neighbour-considering headphones and treat yourself to a phat sound system that can be heard from Sycamore 5 to Chestnut 2. Your flatmates will be so impressed when the bass from your speakers causes the plasterboard of their ceiling to fall down around them.

It’s all about that bass.

Sharing is caring

Living with nine other 1st years in Elms — all fresh from their parents nurturing bosom — can be strange at first. But, it’s important to remember, you’re going to be living with these people for a full year in your own little village. They’re basically family.

And like all families, sharing is a key component. So, if you come stumbling home from Parlour at some ungodly hour and your beer goggles focus on your flatmates’ lunch for tomorrow – just eat it. They won’t mind or else they wouldn’t have left it in the shared kitchen. It’s as much yours as theirs, when you think about it. Also, if you feel one of your flatmates isn’t pulling their weight when it comes to cleaning up after you then a great way of getting the message across is by leaving passive aggressive notes. They’ll be sure to appreciate your direct non-directness.

‘Guys c’mon now no excuse for this xx’

The benefits of sharing with flatmates extends to bodily fluids. What could be better than a stride of pride the next morning that only lasts the 20 seconds it takes to scarper down the hall? And don’t worry about any pre-drinks for The Bot being awkward afterward, the rest of your flatmates will understand that you’re not looking for anything serious.

Down it fresher

Despite the drinks promos being so cheap at The Eg and The Bot that they should probably be legally prohibited, you and your fellow freshers will likely still attempt to drink your bodyweight in vodka before heading there.

A great way of proving to everyone that you’re top craic is to neck a stomach-curdling concentration of drink right before you get into your Fone-a-cab chariot. That way, you’ll get all the credit for being an absolute sesh-rat and also have the benefit of relatively sober flatmates that will be there to take care of you all night. It’s win-win.

Loves it

By the end of the week, you’ll be a big name. Use this clout to convince people that you’re in the know when it comes to all the hottest events. For example, many freshers don’t know that Thompsons’ is a very exclusive club – you’ll want to ensure you have the taxis from your pre booked and ready to be there for 9pm sharp. If someone tries to tell you otherwise, remind them that you know better as you are really good friends with the PR guy that you met that one time that he was handing out flyers in town.

Freshers fair

If you’ve followed the tips so far, you’ll no doubt be in big demand by all the societies at QUB. Typically you’re expected to go around and sign up to the ones that you’re interested in but, for you, it’s best to treat all the societies as dodgy singers with sob stories and act like you’re Simon Cowell. They NEED you, so what are they prepared to offer in return?

This is also a convenient time to offer to whomever is manning The Gown stall an exclusive interview with you.

And we’ll probably be there

The whole package

After dominating the Belfast social scene during the QUB’s freshers week, it’s time to let people know that you’re not just a pretty face (attached to a sweet body with an even better personality.

During the first week of lectures, a great way of establishing your academic prowess is by reading up on a minute detail of the lecture topic and waiting to the very end of the lecture to ask an extremely obtuse question. Extra points if you correct the lecturers’ response later on your courses’ group Facebook page.