House parties are infinitely better than clubbing

At the tender age of 15, all we had was house parties with a limited selection of cheap spirits and Caribbean Twist usually supplied by older siblings.

These parties were fun enough at the time but whilst staggering around in Primark heels everyone longed to be 18, envious of anyone who’s fake ID wasn’t laughed at and turned away.

When the dream birthday finally arrived we foolishly arrived to clubs sober, and had to play a very expensive game of catch-up. We thought it was necessary so you didn’t feel like a dick singing (screaming) along to Don’t Look Back in Anger at the end of the night.

We enjoyed clubbing, revelled in it for a while.

And now we’re come full circle.

Sorry mate how much?

Since the start of uni, I have come to learn that pre drinks are the night out and clubbing is the after party.

The fact is, pre-drinks are just better than clubbing in every single way.

There is nothing better than sprawling on your sofa, doing dangerously measured jelly shots and occasionally running to the kitchen in your socks for a top up of Tesco value vodka.

Successful pre drinks

You don’t get the same craic in a club as you do at pre-drinks. There’s no victim, I mean “friend”, you can force to drink the dirty pint at the end of a game of Kings.

And that’s mainly because you can’t afford to give away any of your precious vodka blackcurrant for the sake of a dirty pint in the club.

When the dirty pint becomes a dirty bowl

Venturing to the club leads to great ideas such as “Let’s buy in rounds!” and “We should all do shots!” yet after two hours you find yourself completely skint and fearing sobriety.

Sometimes the only option is to take abandoned drinks and pitchers off the tables… like the grim student you are. Minesweeping is an act of pure desperation,especially when you never know what state these drinks have been left in.

The murky objects are salt and pepper shakers. We drank it anyway.

The reality of clubbing is that everything is sweaty, your shoes are constantly getting stuck to floor and it is a guarantee you will smell/witness someone being sick in the corner.

No matter what club, there’s always someone mopping up the middle of the dance floor

As soon as the club starts playing Blurred Lines, you know it’s time to leave.

Pre-drinks are like the better looking sibling of clubbing. Both very similar with some important differences.

At home, you don’t get the random pests shoving a phone in your face expecting you to add your number. Or the creepy guy who thinks shepherding girls into corners is a top pulling technique.

100% of people are 100% done here

Even if you do pull, you will most likely wind up on at least five different Snapchat stories.

Keep it at home kids, where your drinks and dignity are safe.