Things a first year didn’t expect from uni

When leaving school, our teachers didn’t really prepare us for what university would truly entail …

| UPDATED first year uni

Way back in the days of uniforms, bus passes and (eeek) 500 word essays, we were all promised by that we would “love uni”. But there were a few things those teachers forgot to mention about this higher education craic as they waved us away in an offensively enthusiastic manner.

It’s easier than A-Levels

Yes believe it or not, I was actually told that I’d be “academically challenged”.

I am so not getting a job, ever.

Referencing

“Seriously? They should warn you about this referencing business in high school. Maybe dedicate a class to learning how to do it instead of algebra.” (Sproule, Laura, May 2014, Belfast, Tab, Article, N. Pag, rev. of Referencing)

Not sure QUB even uses the Harvard system but ah well…

The people are less mature than they were before

Endless nights of partying and consuming alcohol really does destroy brain cells. So much for thinking you’d meet a mature bunch of people and spend your days being productive.

“We made dese.”

You develop a taste for things you’ve never liked

Needs must; expect to find yourself craving cheap vodka, beans with pasta and even coffee (I lasted until May but exams got to me).

WARNING: High risk of addiction.

You don’t miss your family

You are a strong, independent person who doesn’t need to wash their clothes anyway. With good friends you can overcome anything, even those challenging instructions on the back of a pack of super noodles.

Every day’s a drama

Whether it be someone melting in the library or your friend losing their phone on a night out, there is always plenty of movie-style drama to keep you distracted from studying.

“Yeah, excuse me maintenance? There’s an ass stuck in my window.”

It doesn’t get better

We all say it, “I’ll try harder on the next assignment.” But it DOESN’T happen. Uni seems to make you lazier and thicker than you ever were, no kidding.

The DVD is the same as the book right?

IT’S CHEAP!

Ha. Ha. Hahahah just kidding. Money goes quicker than you ever dreamed by the time you include going out and hangover expenses.

Best McD’s we ever had.

Wifi becomes the most important thing in your life

Come on Belfast, get in on the whole city-wide-wifi act, something really important might happen on Facebook whilst I’m trekking through the rain from Elms to Lanyon.

Exercise is dispensable

Maintain a healthy lifestyle? No joke you don’t have time unless you count the jog from class to home to predrinks.

No one has an idea what they’re doing with their life

Trust me. It’s not just you.

It’s no longer sad to be single

People will envy your care free ways and limitless nights out.. And the fact that you don’t have to worry about your makeup #score

People are really selfish

Oh you got to this bus queue first? Don’t care. On a zebra crossing? Don’t care, not stopping. Need a seat in the library? My friends are coming soon and guess what? They don’t care. Yep, you come face to face with this attitude everywhere you go. At the start you’re determined to be polite but that soon wears thin. Be selfish. It’s ok.

There really is an inexhaustible variety of life

Nick Carraway was right, there is no end to the kinds of people you see walking into your building. Most of them are hipsters who refuse to admit they’re hipsters, but there are a few true originals.

They woke up lyk dis….

Honestly, looking back, I didn’t expect most of the things I’ve learned about uni. But I think the best has to be that it’s actually quite fun:

Love these guys <3