1. By being no craic

Everybody is here to get drunk and have fun, so don’t show up and be nil craic. Vomiting all over the carpet, tearfully fighting with your significant other, sitting alone and live-tweeting the party all night – these things are criminally bad craic.

This goes for the hosts as well. Post night out every good student house loves to host a good after-party. My housemates and I usually end up with a couple of strangers at ours – some who turn into great friends and some who we never want to see again.

As a rule of thumb, if you end up at a strangers party don’t ring your mates and say “this party is so totes random, like the banter is 90. These girls didn’t even go to Methody!” This happened recently in my house, the party soon ended.

Great party guys…real fun…

2. Destroying everything

AKA Wrecking the place. Last year my poor house in the heart of the Holylands lost a toilet cistern, and I can tell you they are not easily replaced.  On the same night a double bed was also broken. Hilarious at the time but not worth the tears, hangover and grovelling phonecall to the landlord the next day.

Either there is a basilisk in this house or somebody with a really sore head

3. By Being a bad DJ

Some people can’t handle the pressure of DJ-ing so here’s a few simple rules.

One, don’t play obscure house music nobody can sing along with and don’t sound like anything but a low flying helicopter with some beeping noises thrown in.

Two – don’t play novelty songs. I’m looking at you Gangnam style. Nothing makes me hate a DJ more than when they play that fucking song.

It’s a house party not Ibiza

4. Drawing on the walls or anything else you can find

Just don’t do it. I want my deposit back and dick pictures aren’t as funny as they were when we were 16.

What do you mean I can’t have my £200 back?

5. By ignoring the taxis when they arrive

The downfall of many a successful house party comes when trying to get organised to leave the house to go on to your real night out.

Once I watched a mate order taxis for, and I quote, “in and around 30 to 45 peeps” and then struggle to get the party to leave, for in and around 30-45 minutes. Also don’t do what’s in the picture either, makes it real hard to get out.

Not cool. Do we climb over it?

Do you have a ruined house-party horror story? Leave us a comment or tweet us your horrifying house party pics @TheTabBelfast!