Get your drink early

Since it is the feast day of Saint Patrick, the patron saint of stomach pumps, you had better prepare for some day-drinking!

And that means getting drinks in in advance, because landing down to the off-licence at 4 o’clock on the day will simply be useless as there won’t even be Glen’s left on the shelves – rookie mistake.  Some ideas include: Guinness, Baby Guinness, Guinness with green food colouring etc.

And remember to pace yourself. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.

Ah, the things you do for your country.

Music

No party is complete without the right music. And this day of the year requires a specific playlist of The Dubliners, The Dropkick Murphys, The Pogues; the list goes on.

It’s also the one day of the year it’s acceptable to listen to Riverdance during pre-drinks (Irish dancing encouraged).  If you don’t play C’est La Vie by B*Witched at least one day you’re doing it wrong.

Facepaint & Decorations

Any self-respecting St Paddy’s celebration requires a trip to Poundland to stock up on all the necessities – green paint, green decorations, green hats and anything shaped like a shamrock.

And if you have any leftover paint from the time you went as the Incredible Hulk for Halloween, now’s the time to crack it out.

Practise your Irish

If like me, your Irish language skills consist of very basic offensive remarks, now is the time to brush up so you can be better prepared for when you try to prove your Irish-ness by drunkenly slurring badly-pronounced words at the bar.

Wear Green!

It’s almost a legal obligation to wear green on St. Patrick’s Day. So set out an outfit now, or stare sadly at your wardrobe on Monday morning and wish you’d given in and bought that cheesy Kiss Me I’m Irish t-shirt.

And if you don’t have any green clothes, wear some shamrocks! Failing that, grass, then weeds. The theme is green. Make it work!

Fully prepared.