Look ridiculous

Wear as much green as humanly possible.

That should do it. 

Drink all day

Beer with breakfast is NOT optional, and if you haven’t had 6 pints by 2pm, you aren’t doing it right.

Tequila before 12pm is perfectly acceptable

Go to the pub

Community spirit is key to the festivities, and there will always be someone more intoxicated than you to make you feel better.

And don’t forget that Guinness is Irish, so you have to pretend you like it. Even though let’s be honest, nobody does.

It tastes really nice, we promise

Break Lent

No takeaway food for 40 days is a stupid rule anyway. Your ma will never know.

Back to Lent tomorrow, today doesn’t count

Annoy everyone

St. Patrick’s Day is a free pass to be as insufferably Oirish as possible (think Gerard Butler in PS I Love You). If anyone calls you out on it, they’re just being a killjoy and will come around after a few more pints.

Some helpful ideas include:

• Trying to convince people who are more drunk than you that St Patrick’s Day didn’t originate in Ireland.
• Find a person who is actually called Patrick and treat them with utter reverence.
• Trying to convince everyone that yeah, you are actually related to Liam Neeson. In fact you were an extra in Taken 2.

Pass out

I’ll be fine to keep going after this quick power nap

Everyone knows you’ll be asleep before 9pm, just accept it. Try not to choke on your own vomit, wake up still drunk, and exceptionally glad that St Paddy’s day is only once a year.