Sun, Sex, and Stupid parents: Why spying on your kid’s holiday is evil

Ever watch Sun, Sex & Suspicious Parents and wondered why the adults aren’t being filmed since they’re worse than the kids?

It might be more entertaining to watch them drift along day to day in their dreamy fantasy world where little Jimmy wouldn’t dare touch alcohol – or a girl – because mummy raised him better than that. I’d laugh for hours at their desperate ignorance; although the best part of the show is when they see what little Jimmy really gets up to – and into. I wouldn’t want to miss out on that.

 Enough to scar your parents for life.

It always starts the same way, nice little family; mum, step dad, only child. Only child has the heavens shining out of their backside whilst they sit motionlessly on it all day long, as mummy brings them food and brushes the crumbs off their shirts.

As mummy obediently cleans around the fat blob fixture on the sofa, step-dad stands in the doorway watching and shaking his head. Fat blob speaks to the camera, in front of mummy, about all the wild nights out he goes on and the crazy antics he gets up to with his many, many mates.

It’s all just so impressive. After a while mummy adds that he’s a good boy, never gets into much trouble and ‘knows when to stop’. That selective hearing is clearly a skill she’s perfected over the years.

It’s not a good holiday unless you’re drinking from radioactive test tubes

They send little Jimmy off on a harmless ‘kids’ first holiday’ all expenses paid, expecting him to return with a soft tan, determined lust for life and perhaps souvenir fridge magnet. They thus follow him on the holiday expecting to see him spend a couple of hours on the beach every day, all lathered up in factor 695 (he has sensitive skin), chatting away and re-evaluating his life plans with his mates; wandering round the local shops and restaurants, trying local cuisine and discussing his love for his parents.  

There are few better more satisfying feelings than to watch these hopes and dreams shrivel up and die on mummy’s face as she sees her baby become the stereotypical teenage boy (that he always was). Give a group of lads a couple of hundred quid, send them off on a plane to a destination where the girls are barely dressed and the drink is flowing all day and night and what do you expect?

Probably this. 

Who wouldn’t maximise on that opportunity? If he were my lad, I’d give him a pat on the back and tell him to drink himself silly – learn quickly in this life that this is the most fun you’ll have so you may as well enjoy it. No regrets.

If my son came back alive, I’d consider the holiday a success. These parents need a harsh slap from reality and to realise that their kids are going to go mad, whether it’s when they go away for their first holiday or off to uni. They’re going to get drunk, sleep with everyone, get STDs, all that good stuff – all they need to hope is that little Jimmy will knock it off by middle age. At that point, you might have to worry; although at least he won’t be able to leave home so you’ll still have your baby to feed and clothe and bathe. Win win.