How to lose a guy in one date
Dates can be uncomfortable at the best of times, yet magazines are constantly full of advice and warnings aimed to ensure your date is a success. The Tab put these guidelines to the test- what actually happens when these sacred rules are broken?
The evening got off to a fantastic start as, in a completely unintentional mixing-up of times, I managed to show up half an hour late. It also happened to be particularly stormy outside and my only umbrella had decided to break just moments after I left the house.
I’m sure his heart stopped (in fright) when I tumbled into the pub, mascara running and more hair blown to the front of my face than the back of my head. If I didn’t want to be on the date, he almost certainly was regretting asking me on one.
Yeah, you’re like so interesting.
Several guilty apologies later we settled down into awkward date-chat. Unfortunately my experience of the tundra-like weather had worsened the hideous cold I already had- the huskiness of my voice was less like Scarlett Johansson and more like a young werewolf. In between stories of how much he loved acid (yep, that kind of boy) I was sniffling, snorting and coughing like I had the plague, it was all very sexy.
In blatant disregard of dating rules prescribed by the likes of Cosmo and Marie-Claire, I decided that I would just get drunk. Knocking back double vodkas gave me the confidence to then enter “The Ex” phase of the conversation. It is common knowledge that to talk about your ex is one of the worst things one can do on a date.
Dutch courage – sexy.
This in mind, I slurred on and on…only to have Mr Date share all his heartbreak over his last girlfriend with me. He then gave me the most rehearsed smoulder I have ever seen accompanied by the words “but now I want a real relationship”. Panic stations immediately.
I responded by deliberating bigging up the crazy, asking the poor guy what his intentions in life were, moaning about how early I had to be up the next morning and basically acting like a mental case. I was perfectly delightful in every way, obviously.
I’m really good craic, honestly.
The thing was, in spite of breaking nearly every “dating rule” there was, it was actually one of the most enjoyable dates I have ever been on. Which just proves that advice given to women by magazines regarding the “do’s and don’ts” of dates is essentially a load of rubbish- and I’m speaking as someone who (by some sort of miracle) has another date on the cards.