You’re at a friend’s house party. It’s 3am. You are intoxicated. You aren’t going home and  you just caught a glimpse of yourself in the mirror and realised you’re in desperate need of some kip.

What follows can only be described as a red or black situation. You either hit  or miss. So, either you get a bed or, more likely, you improvise. Below is a list of some of  those places we, as students or brave intrepid travellers, have to brave on occasion.

A bed

Assuming of course you don’t live in the house which is being partied, you will most likely  be resigned to one of the below. The rarity of getting a bed after/during a friends house party is like putting a pair of boxers on  after they have been on the radiator. It’s just a treat. Though it still doesn’t any much grace to proceedings…

Sleeping beauty

The couch

This one is a classic ladies and gentlemen. We have all been there. This can be a good  or bad thing. Some couches are better than certain beds, and some…well, some do  not deserve the illustrious title “couch”. Surely most of us after a night on the razz have  awoken in a groggy haze on a friends couch not quite realizing where we are. This scene usually includes lying in the  foetal position trying desperately to stay warm under a few coats after the “warming  effects” of alcohol have worn off during the wee hours of the morning.

Ironing board

This inclusion is a bit of a stretch, but I have witnessed first hand this unorthodox slumbering  technique after a particularly debaucherous house party. Two revellers were found passed out on ironing boards in the kitchen. One even described it as “quite  nice.” I have seen the Northern Lights, I have skiied the alps, but the sight of my two friends passed out on ironing boards is still the greatest thing I have  ever seen.

The Shower

This one is just stupid. You know that come the morning you’ll end up soaked, or discover with horror that you’ve slept face down in someone else’s conditioner.

A Chair

Sleeping sitting up is not natural. It just isn’t! And what’s more, if you have fallen asleep  on a chair it is very likely that you have done so in the midst of group of intoxicated  friends early in the morning, who won’t dream of leaving you alone to sleep. Meaning that you’ll end up looking like this:

Here’s hoping that isn’t permanent marker

A Futon

Perhaps not a very common one, but definitely a comfortable one. Okay, yes, it is basically a  couch so perhaps it shouldn’t have its own place on the list. But believe me, a futon is infinitely more comfy than a lumpy couch covered with coats. Take my advice, party at houses with futons.

Tell me this doesn’t look the height of comfort

The floor

Never graceful. Always messy. If you need me to explain to you why this is not a good place to rest your weary head then perhaps the world of academia is not for you. Don’t do it. Just don’t.

Not only is it uncomfortable, everyone else has to walk around you. So inconvenient.

The stairs

Always alcohol induced, it’s surprising that this isn’t more uncommon. Although generally  not an all night solution, I have witnessed people sleeping on o at the top of the stairs a few times. Presumably this happens when they are en route to a bedroom. The  minor change in altitude must be too much for some…

He almost made it, poor thing…

The bath

Yes, true, a student house with a bath is about as rare as Boojum at lunchtime without a massive queue. It simply doesn’t happen very  often. If you are lucky enough to be a part of this small affluent contingent and have ever thrown a  house party, then at some stage of the night somebody has drunkenly gone to the toilet, glanced at  your tub and thought to themselves, “If I don’t get a couch I’m havin’ that.” The downside of this is the possibility of waking up, forgetting where you are and seeing  nothing but white. “Am I dead!?”

The bar

Although not fitting with the house party theme surely this deserves an honorable mention. Perhaps the most shameful place to fall asleep. This doesn’t really need elaboration. If you need to be told why this is a big no-no, you are exactly the kind of person that will fall asleep at the far. Don’t fade early, it’s a dangerous situation. 

I’m ashamed to say it has happened to me…