My computer is better and I am better: the justified ego of the Apple whore

Ever get that feeling when you’re dragging your sorry backside into the library for a desperate, torturous night of revision that the last thing you want to see is stuck up Apple whores and their Mac- shaped egos, sprawled across the desks like they own the place?

They have that money-infused lack-of-stress aura, and are far better turned out than you, cooing over their sleek, silvery over-priced typewriters and matching white accessories. Well, don’t hate us ‘cause you ain’t us.

Don’t hate on my phone just because I have all the apps you don’t

I am that Mac away from joining Apple-aholics Anonymous; kitted up with my iPod, iPhone, iPad and Sony Vaio, the next worst/best thing from the Mac – however I wish to point out, I neither wish nor intend to keep this imbalance up for much longer. The Vaio happened back when Bank of Mum & Dad was sponsoring – post graduation, I’m getting me an upgrade.

Many people claim they don’t buy Apple simply because they don’t want to get locked in by unique requirements and clever marketing: sure, it’s not that you can’t afford it, you poor peasants. Sure they charge £25 for a plastic cable, but it looks good; and more importantly, it makes you look good.

So sleek, so shiny…

Most of you get ridiculous grants, bursaries and additional loans that we lowly rich kids are barred from, so quit your self-pitying, walk down to Vicky Sq (taxis too costly for you), and get on board!

You have the chance to cross that threshold of elitist technological wonder, a place where the internet is called ‘Safari’, where you don’t just Google but you take a trip into the wild unknown in beautiful high resolution colour and bouncing icons. Get off your high horse and admit that paying the extra £500 is worth the bouncing icons alone.

Things got a bit weird with the iPad…

So next time you look our way and judge, consider this: we like your attention, we buy for your attention, and whether you like it or not, you know you are a helpless wannabe.

Case closed.