How to be a success on Tinder

With exam season nearly over, the winter flings (who essentially acted as human shaped hot water bottles) dwindling and valentine’s day looming, we’re all looking to shake off our January funk with a spring fling.

Only with less effort than actually going out and pretending to be interested in the awkward small talk dates. So apparently we’ve all turned to Tinder. What could be more perfect than joining a socially acceptable dating site?

For those of you who don’t know what Tinder is (where have you been?!) , the concept is simple. Take Facebook pictures, mix it with speed dating, put it online and bam, you have Tinder.

The catch is, if you tell Tinder you like someone by swiping right and the other person swipes the screen left to “pass” you can never talk to them again (unless you actually bumped into them in the real world, God forbid.)

So, since in this case first impressions really are everything, here’s a definitive guide to how to get more matches on Tinder, and maybe even get a date (or a shag).

1)  Write a decent bio

Short and sweet, no cheesy pickup lines unless you’re convinced everyone is going to find them funny and immediately want to hear more of your wonderful wit. Saying you’re a “muff muncher extraordinaire” will most likely render you with very little to eat apart from the other half of the Domino’s ‘meal for two’ you ordered last night.

Ewan, you had me at “show me your tits”

2) Loads of photos  

Put up at least 3 different pictures of yourself. There’s nothing worse than putting up one picture and people passing on you because they think you’re your ugly mate (because let’s face it, if they knew how stunning you really are they’d never pass, right?).

Oh thank god, there’s nothing worse than sounding Northern

3) Keep your vices under wraps

A picture can say a thousand words, don’t let those words be “alcoholic” “sleaze-ball” or “addict”. Even if the addiction is sex, we don’t need you to scream it in our faces.

Erwin, pretending to enjoy Columbia’s finest. So edgy Erwin

4)  The Ex Factor

Don’t put up pictures of you and your ex. It should go without saying really. Nobody wants to have that awkward “there are plenty more fish in the sea” conversation, pretending to be sympathetic whilst swiftly blocking you.

So… will your boyfriend be coming along too?

5) Put it away

No intimate pictures- what happened to the tradition of meeting a new person and waiting until marriage to see what’s underneath those clothes?! Well, alright then not until marriage, but dear God not on your Tinder profile. If you want to show your bits before your face, it just suggests you’re extremely unfortunate looking.

Irresistable

6) Don’t lie

Make your details more accurate. If you’re a man attracted to women, don’t say you’re a woman on your profile. You might think it’s edgy and random, and shows you don’t take Tinder too seriously, but you’ll just end up getting a load of disappointed lesbians who thought you were a butch girl with that Justin Bieber haircut.

I’m a Belieber, David. I’m a Belieber.

7) Leave your standards at the door

Say yes to more people! Be more open to what your ‘type’ is. You never know, a beautiful mind might lie beneath that dick pic or snapback (maybe not).

Bunny loves his haters, could you love him too?

Once you’ve done some of these things you’re bound to get more matches on Tinder, no need to thank us.

To add your own Tinder tips or let us know how this expert advice worked for you, email [email protected] with your Tinder horror/success stories, or tweet us @TheTabBelfast