What your Aber night out takeaway says about you

Only freshers go to Jacob’s

8 years ago

With a ridiculous number of pubs, and a student-local ratio so skewed that it’s impossible to imagine the town without a university, it’s no surprise we enjoy a good variety of places to get some drunk food to soak up the alcohol before passing out back home.

But let’s be honest, there’s very different clientèle in each takeaway, and you can learn a lot about a person by looking at their favourite takeaway place.

Jacob’s

You couldn’t more obviously be a fresher if you tried. You know who gets their drunk food from Jacob’s? People stumbling up the hill who managed to find a couple of quid but don’t care for taxis. Get with the program, go to a proper takeaway.

Pizza Lush

The only takeaway open-late that does stuffed crust pizza. Therefore they do the best pizza. But still, if you’re getting a pizza on the way home you’re doing it wrong. You know you can order to your house right? If you’re in Pizza Lush, the chances are you’ve spent the night in Angel or Yoko’s, or you’re having a brief pit-stop between Academy and wherever you’re going next. Unless you’re just here on the way to somewhere else, the chances are you’re pretty fucked.

Lip Lickin’

Gotta love it

Lip Lickin’ has an almost mythical status amongst students. Lip Licking is *the* Aberystwyth takeaway (legend has it that one brave student got their logo tattooed on his arse). Rumours of the effects it has on your stomach the morning after are whispered in the smoking areas and toilets of the bars around Aber…or at least that used to be the case. The thing is, Lip Lickin’ has always been the takeaway immediately after Pier, but Pier has seen better days and the spilling onto the street queues that used to be a nightly affair at Lip Lickin’ are no more. If this is where you go, you’re either a veteran of Aber night life and still doing it out of habit, or you’ve just come from Pier. Still, best chicken wings in Aberystwyth.

Hollywood Pizza

Such a happy gal

Oh look at you, you contrarian. Despite the wonderfully odd sights that Hollywood Pizza has on every vaguely busy night (girl sat on the floor crying, a couple doing some mad PDAs against the wall) you’re still not put off. Hollywood Pizza just doesn’t make sense – both Pizza Lush and Marco’s are so much better as drunk food goes. Do you really want to wait 20 minutes for a pizza? Just be a normal student and get some chicken or cheesy chips that you’ll inevitably spill everywhere anyway. Chances are you are too drunk to care, which is why you end up at Hollywood.

Domino’s

What are you doing? It’s not even 11pm yet. Get back out there. Domino’s without the offers is only for the richest students. Domino’s is for film nights with the flat, study sessions with your mates, or because you’re too hungover to move. Frankly, if you’re on a night out, there’s no excuse to get a Domino’s, free pizza days not counting. You peaked early and definitely aren’t struggling with your overdraft if you go here.

Marco’s

Oh Marco’s, you’re everything that is right about Aberystwyth’s night life. You’ve got the basics sorted for those who just want to get their cheesy chips or chicken and go home, but if you’re wanting to go a little bit nuts there’s the Pizza Burger. Marco’s claim to fame is a half pounder cheeseburger folded inside a 10 inch pizza. It’s the food equivalent of Vodka Tuesday, and its patrons are likely to be the fun ones in the group. Marco’s is rarely finished, but unlike Pizza Lush or Lip Lickin’ you’ll manage to avoid falling asleep with your face in it.

Istanbul Kebab

The question is: what are you doing here? Don’t get me wrong, Istanbul make some pretty solid food, but they’re not really on the way from anything. You’re either lost, a local, or been studying here long enough to feel like wandering through town no matter how drunk you are.

24h Spar

You’re human vanilla ice cream. The personification of vodka-cokes. You’re a 2:2, or a night out at Wetherspoons. What I’m saying is you’re perfectly good, but rather unadventurous. That’s OK, and there’s nothing wrong with that. When you’re ready you’ll come out of your shell, get kicked out of Yoko’s at lights up and wander your way into an actual takeaway, and you’ll go on about how it was the best night you’ve had in ages. But until then, you’re content finishing your nights at 1am, grabbing some snacks and having enough of a good sleep to make your morning lectures.