Everyone you’ll meet at tonight’s Blackhouse

It’s the best event of the year


Blackhouse is unrivalled and unparalleled as the best event hosted in the Student Union and always one to save the date for. But when you walk in tonight you’ll immediately realise there are separate types of people you’ll see scattered all over from the Cwtch bar to the Picture House.

Blackhouse beginner

The beginner has absolutely no idea what to do, lets clarify that now. Whether it’s the music, the drugs or the drink the beginner just gets it constantly wrong and yet still has an amazing time.

It’s very much uncharted territory from the regular ‘mental vodka Tuesdays’ where they’re used to Robbie Williams Angel’s being blasted in Pier. No, here they are now in the EDM and DnB minefield, forced to learn the laws of the jungle and so typically you can find this specimen way too drunk because their pace was off, or riding the drunk wave of the party with no idea how they are still standing.

Grow up

This person also has no idea what DnB is and at one awkward point makes the mistake of requesting a song from the DJ who is quite blatantly not going to play Avicii for you and your squad.

Blackhouse Veteran

Being an open event to any of the public and not exclusively for students, Blackhouse, although Mid Wales’ best kept secret, does attract society ‘Old Boys’ who’ve been rocking the party since their first year. They know what pills to take, which is the best stage and most importantly how to make the party unforgettable.

Old Boys on tour?

When going in a squad formation, it is advisable to get a Blackhouse veteran in the mix, not only providing a different twist on how your regular night would go, the Veteran is a legendary member of the Blackhouse community and tonight there will most certainly be at least one who has been to every Blackhouse event leading up to this, it’s ninth Birthday.

The guy passed out in front of the speakers

This guy has one objective tonight and one objective only. Get as ruined as possible on whatever they can, smoke as much as humanly possible, and have as many emotional conversations. All while falling into a comatose state in front of the speakers still claiming they are having a great time.

Everyone has gone home… do you even understand the passage of time any more?

If they come over to speak when you pop out for a cigarette, don’t be apprehensive because despite their haggard exterior. His words may be slurred but all he wants is DMC’s and to tell you how amazing this one house music track is.

The Creeper

In case you never go out and have no idea what a creeper is, it’s that creepy guy that only cares about finding a woman for the night, stalking amongst the prey scanning for a target.

Look at him… creeping like a creeper

Of course at an event of such scale and scope that Blackhouse is, you can expect the creepers to be out in droves, dancing quietly at the side of the crowd scanning the room.

It’s a part of student nature though and no night on the town in Yokos, Pier or anywhere else would be complete without having to bat away a swarm of creepers.

‘Ah this song has such deep meaning’

One of the self proclaimed music snobs you are likely to meet at Blackhouse, he will tell you even if you didn’t ask about how this Berlin techno track is in fact “a far cry to the genocide of Rwanda if you really listen to it.” While yes, that was a very sad event, you my friend are talking the highest level of shit.

If it’s not that, he will say something about how the mix is following a “stylised story narrative” – which is this random guy’s attempt to force you to listen to him tell a song story that is allegedly being scratched out fresh by the DJ.

The Professional Chill Man

With absolutely no interest in dancing to some sick beats, this guy has crashed out chilling in one of Blackhouse’s phenomenal lounges.

Look at them, just like career sloths

The music is fun yeah, but this guy just wants to be comfy, get drunk and party at his own leisure without breathing the air which at times can be upwards of 40 per cent sweat (maybe, not a fact).

EDM Expert

Found head banging hard right at the front and on the rail, this guy is the one who can tell you exactly what year each music sample first appeared on the scene, what bpm the mix is ticking along to, and more importantly what’s actually good and what’s not.

They probably scratch in their spare time as well

Because let’s face it the average goer doesn’t know much more than the headline acts – you YouTubed them at predrinks on the way to the SU – and now you need the expert more than ever.