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Breaking: Freshers to be banned from Sir Duncan Rice library during exams

May it long continue

Aberdeen University has announced today that first years will be banned from the library in the run up to exams.

This means that all freshers will have the choice of sitting in the stuffy Taylor library or the MacRobert building.

The University said they had received numerous complaints from non first year students. The majority of non first years claim library space is crucial for them during their exams, which they maintain are more important than those of first year students.

Who wouldn't want to spend the day here?

The sheer number of complaints received from fourth year students during dissertation season was what ultimately prompted the change.

However, the University has faced significant backlash for its decision, citing "unruliness" and a "considerable lack of seats" as justification.

A fourth year student who preferred not to be named, said: "There's just not enough space".

Another, more candid second year told The Aberdeen Tab: "Honestly, fuck frehsers. All they do is sit there watching that stupid Madeline McCann documentary for hours. That library seat is prime real estate, Sarah."

A spokesperson form the University told The Aberdeen Tab: "During exam season students are encouraged to make use of university spaces to study so that they may be prepared.

"However it is clear that this does not necessarily apply to freshers, whose exams realistically count for jack all.

To that end, we have decided that they can pretend to do work from the comfort of their own home, and leave the real studying to the big boys."

The ban on freshers will last until the 30th May. Heywood Yapinchme, a fresher studying English, has started a petition to reverse the decision, which has currently only been signed by her mum. She told The Aberdeen Tab: "Honestly, freshers work really hard and we need the space just as much as final years."

It is currently unsure as to whether the ban will be repeated next year. The University will be polling students in the summer to gauge reactions.

If you're a second year gleefully reading this, maybe check the date first.