Unbelievable things I’ve actually heard Aberdeen boys say
It’s rough being single out here
Another Valentine's Day has passed and we made it through more or less tearless. Whether you've actually secured a date or had a Galentine's Day with your girlfriends, love was all around us in Aberdeen.
Now that you might have woken up the next morning with a headache and the realisation that you're still single, it's time to get out there and swipe right.
There's plenty of fish in the sea but if you've got your eyes on that particular emotionally unavailable salmon, here are some of the best things we've overheard to prepare you for whatever bullshit they might hit you with.
For the mandatory getting to know you convo
"You're from Poland? That means you've never hooked up with a black guy" – ATIK smoking area
"I'm single and addicted to memes" – Sir Ian Wood Building
"What's an RGU?" – Tinder
Some from the real heart breakers
"You're a roasting hot tamale" – Tinder
"I wish I had a vagina, I could just sleep with everyone" – Mealmarket Exchange
"It barely counts as sex anymore if you use a condom" – Flirting in ATIK
"You look better" – "Better than what?" "Than that snapchat filter" – Tinder
"I blacked out last night, but all I remember are your beautiful eyes" – That random number from the night before
"I saw a girl the other night that looked like a hammerhead shark…eyes wide apart like Sid the sloth" – On the 1A
"Her fanny was like a stab wound in a gorilla's back" – Line in Starbucks
Quotes from the revolutionists' out there
"What continent is America even on" – Causeview
"But coke comes in cans not in bags" – Woolmanhill Flats
"Does the cloakroom take contactless?" – Queue to NOX
And if your Valentine's date actually turned into your boo…
"You're my fat little mouse" – Dinner at Pizza Express
"Today, I've fingered my own arsehole" – Train to Edinburgh
"I've just dyed my pubes ginger" – Train to Glasgow
"I think we should go to NOX, it's the best night out" – Just kidding, no one has said that ever
In the worst case that even these quotes couldn't prepare you for what your date had to say, look on the bright side. Maybe he'll make it in this article next time.
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