The perks and droops of having small boobs

At least we don’t have to hold them running down the stairs


Pancakes, fried eggs, itty bitty titty committee – aka us lovely small boobed ladies.

The question is, is bigger really better? Or is less more?

As an 18-year-old with small boobs, it feels like puberty must have been left in my junk mail or something as it’s never gotten to me.

Some days having small boobies does have it’s perks and othersI want to go and demand a boob job.

Pancake Problems

This is what the staff in Ann Summers have to say to my chest:

“28B, unfortunately the only retail store that stocks this size is Marks and Spencer, so you’d be best going there.”

Great, may as well just join my gran on her Sunday trip to M&S so I can pick up some luxury granny undies. Fuck.

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Gravity is not our friend

Strapless dresses…no go! Nothing to hold that cute dress up means it’s either going to be at your ankles anytime soon or your going to be doing that subtle shimmy adjustment and having your arms sucked into your sides to give that little extra support and security. It’s never a good look and you can never do it subtly.

On that note, shimmying – looks like a fun dance move but having nothing to jiggle just makes the move seem pointless and you just look like you’re trying to knock someone out with your shoulders.

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I Ain’t Calling You a Truther!

The one thing I always struggle with is to wear the super padded bra or to not wear the super padded bra? I want to have big boobies but I don’t want to seem like a false advertisement.

But there’s chicken fillets, right?

Yes, if you want these cold jelly objects rubbing against your boobs the whole night then be my guest. I was completely put off them after a night at a 21st function when one unlucky lady’s chicken fillet managed to wriggle its way out onto the dance floor to her dismay. Unlucky for her, but the kids kicking it about on the dance floor would say different.

Perk Up

On the upside, if someone ever compliments your boobs it feels like the greatest moment ever, you feel as if you need to cherish that moment – get that person to write that shit down on a piece of paper so you have record of it then go running and twirling through a field due to the fact someone actually acknowledged that you do own slight boobage.

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And when you’re older

“At least when you’re an old lady, your boobs won’t be living in the depths of your armpits.”

I salute you, mother. Always one for wise words.