Students explore underground S/M scene in Aberdeen

S/M is a sexual scene shrouded in mystery and taboo. The Tab spoke to one student practitioner in order to gain an insight into the world of whips and chains.

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The term S/M evokes images of whips and latex in the minds of most people. Despite becoming an increasingly common faction of sex for many, it remains a taboo subject shrouded in stereotype and misinformation.

S/M, or sadomasochism, refers to the giving or receiving of pleasure through the infliction or reception of pain. The range in S/M is far and wide, but frequently people on the scene refer to themselves as the Dom (dominant) who inflicts the pain, and the Sub (submissive) who enjoys receiving it.

The extreme end of the S/M scale

For those interested in S/M it’s a difficult scene to break into and explore confidently, and frequently only happens when friends express a mutual interest. One student, Tom*, said:

“Whilst having had an interest in kink for a long time it wasn’t something I fully delved into until last year really. I had done some things with partners and girlfriends but I had never committed to a dynamic.”

After expressing an interest to some of his friends who shared his curiosity, Tom found his way into Aberdeen’s S/M scene.

“Initially it was just things I thought or fantasized about, my mind went to a lot of things naturally.

“It was friends or casual partners who encouraged me to take things further and explore that side of myself.”

Confidence and security are hugely important aspects of S/M considering the boundaries of pain and pleasure that are played with:

“The first time I tried it I found I wasn’t confident enough to take it to the level I wanted. I had my preconceptions and concerns and they held me back.

“I would say for a lot of people it’s more about control than the pain.”

Students played a huge part in developing Aberdeen’s local S/M scene, with a society even being created for kink a few years ago:

“The scene here has had its moments, there used to be a regular club called school of obedience and there have been plenty of local events.

“Compared to Edinburgh or Glasgow it is tiny. Both Edinburgh and Glasgow have big club events and very large scenes.

“How it all began I can’t honestly say however people have always been kinky.”

The societies were organised by the S/M community as a “space for students to feel comfortable in.” Despite there no longer being an active society purely for students, there is one for under 30s in the Aberdeen area.

The scene stretches beyond the under 30s, however, with the S/M community frequently getting together for meetings, parties and club nights.

“Meetings are simply likeminded people coming together and discussing anything and everything. Usually toned down events where people can feel comfortable in themselves. Meetings happen all the time in every city in the world.

“Parties are usually private events where someone with a venue will invite friends and people they know. What happens varies between party to party dependent on host and guests. They happen whenever they happen being personally organised.

“As for the club nights they really aren’t underground, usually with a lot of security for the guests safety. They’ll often have larger equipment that most people won’t have in their homes.”

Of course, there is an expansive range in the world of S/M – not everyone is in it for the nipple clamping and latex:

“There are those who just like a little slap and tickle to those who are dedicated 24/7 to the most hardcore aspects. You’re looking at something that spans from a little wrist tying and spanking to knife play and full ownership of submissives.

“People from all walks of life, style and tastes mix at these events.

“Myself, I am a Dom and have interests in rope, impact play, control and a lot of other things. I would consider switching (taking on the submissive role) but I haven’t yet.”

Whether practising S/M at home or at the events, safety and health are of paramount importance on the scene, with codewords being particularly useful during “sessions”:

“When there are situations that might involve a lot of pain or strain it is important to be safe. In a lot of scenes and for a lot of people no doesn’t mean no within a session.

“What is generally followed in public and early on is the traffic light system. Green is good, yellow is uncomfortable, red is all stop. However many couples develop their own safe words and terms that are personal.”

Up until recently practitioners of S/M were frequently considered people who had experienced sexual trauma or were psychologically damaged. However, a study published in 2013 flattened those claims, and even went on to prove that people who practise S/M are “more psychologically healthy” than those who don’t:

“The fact is kink isn’t something people talk about a lot. That makes it unknown and that makes people nervous about it. It really doesn’t help how it is portrayed in the media.

“I think there is a stigma against enjoying sex, but getting more involved in kink has certainly had a positive effect on me letting me feel more myself.

“I would encourage anybody who is intrigued to try it out. The fact is there are people scared of what they want and like and they should be given all encouragement possible.”

Vanilla sex isn’t for everyone

“On the other hand there are those who like their sex how they like it and there’s no need to force them into doing things they don’t like.

“However there is that old saying don’t knock it till you’ve tried it. Give it a try safely. Look into joining a community and talk to people for advice.

“Never rush in with someone you don’t know. Always discuss boundaries and safety before play.  It is important to know your limits and far preferable to discovering your limits in a session.

“After playing with kink, simply missionary might be a bit too vanilla now,” grinned Tom, “but I don’t break out the whips and chains every time.

 

If you are at all interested in exploring S/M in Aberdeen send an email to [email protected] for more information and advice, or sign up to the social networking site FetLife.