Kebab joints that seal the deal after you’ve pulled

The club’s closed and you’ve pulled. What you do next is of vital importance.

First of all, congratulations are in order, you smooth devil. It doesn’t matter how you did it, or how much money you spent in the process, tonight you are a CHAMPION.

But let’s hold off on investing in that jewel encrusted crown for a just little longer because you haven’t sealed the deal just yet.

Sure you had something special in the sexually charged intimacy of that Grease megamix, no-one can deny that, but in the sobering light of post-club Aberdeen morning, the magic MIGHT be beginning to fade.

But there’s a solution – offering food is reminiscent of the our caveman ancestors and sure to make her weak at the knees.

If you’re feeling cheap, girls are normally quite satisfied with a £2 Happy Meal

But it’s important to remember that where exactly you choose to eat can say a lot about you – which means careful selection is needed for when it comes time to impress this beautiful woman with your sophisticated knowledge of late night cuisine/places to buy microwaved cheese and chips.

Golden Garden

Step 1. Exclaim to your lady of choice that it’s time to take the train all the way down to China Town.

Step 2. Commit fully to making as realistic and loud a train noise as you possibly can -chugga chugga choo choo- whilst being sure to do some sort of physical engine motion with your arms.

Step 3. Beg her to give you another chance.

The Golden Garden is a great wee lesser known Chinese takeaway right opposite Garage and Institute. Fun date tip: Take the opportunity to read out a fortune cookie for her, completely fabricating what it says for the purposes of your own personal agenda.

Be sure to immediately devour the cookie, paper and all, so that she never knows you were shamelessly lying.

The Chinese are infamous for being great lovers, show her that you could be too…

The Tastie Tattie

Unsurprisingly, the Tastie Tattie specialises in chips, and while it has, as of yet, made no extraordinary breakthroughs in chip engineering – it’s still quite an iconic haunt in Aberdeen; at the very least it’s memorable.

Potato people are sexy

Thains Bakery

Maybe she somehow screamed it over those beats the DJ was droppin’ (you listen to BBC Radio 2, stop lying to yourself, jeez), or maybe she made it clear to you through a series of interpretative, yet alarmingly provocative, dance moves – no matter how it happens, if at any point during the night the girl expresses her love for macaroni pies, this is the place you go. Best. Macaroni. Pies. Ever.

Treat her to a pie at this mystical shop of magical goodness

The Little Belmont Hut

If you do want to impress this lady by taking her to an establishment that makes you feel right at home – look no further than the Little Belmont Hut. The guy who works there is a GOD, and will definitely put in a good word for you. Pretty good food, but it has to be said the highlight is in the banter.

Show off your banter skills with the boys behind the counter

McDonalds

So you’ve ended up in McDonalds. Great. What a unique and interesting impression I’m sure you’ll leave. Oh, by the way – did you tell her you enjoy music too? How about breathing, does she know you like breathing?

Still, it has to be said, these chicken nuggets are kind of the best part of your night, right? And not to mention that FREE cheeseburger you got with your student card.

There’s that familiar, heavenly golden “M”

However people, at the end of the night just follow the girl’s lead. If she says something along the lines of “hmm I’m not too hungry, maybe we should get a taxi?” then it means she can only be hungry for one thing – the financially sensible decision of splitting a taxi fare home.