Medical Student Problemz

Us medics all got into this because we ‘loved science and wanted to help people’ (or was that ‘money, power and women’?) but we got to university and it didn’t quite turn out like that.

Here are just a few problems you learn about all too quickly:

An actual proper timetable

You realise that most Uni students have about three lectures a week, and here’s you in 9-5 Monday to Friday during Freshers’ week. Wednesdays off for sport? Maybe if you’re good!

Beautiful Veins

You’re on the bus and there’s an absolute stunner opposite you. No, not the beautiful girl, the guy next to her with the throbbing vein up his forearm. You’d get a grey cannula in there no bother. Maybe two. Dreamy.

Becoming a hypochondriac

You read about all the diseases, you definitely have at least half of them. I have noticed I got out of breath the other day- maybe I’ve got Cor Pulmonale. Off to the toilet in the night? Must be diabetes.

Where are JD and Turk!?

I thought I would meet them on day one and it would all be like Scrubs. Nope. There are a few Dr Cox’s about though. Darn.

Google search history

I was looking up genital warts, chlamydia and piles for Uni… honest.

All your friends reaching their life goals

It might not seem such a problem in first year, but by the time you’re 24 and STILL doing the same degree you start to notice all your friends getting paid, getting married, having babies. You try to convince yourself medicine is worth the sacrifice and you don’t want all the stuff. But you want it. So much.

Knowing the symptoms of a hangover

A crushing headache and feeling sick all day is not helped by thinking about the physiology of why these things happen. Yet you still do it. And you’ll do it again.

Medic Chat

It’s Friday! Time to have a meal with some friends and head out on the town maybe? Then someone brings up IgA nephropathy over cocktails and you wish the ground would just swallow them. Then you join in because you can’t help it. You’re one of them now.

Summer Holidays?

Two weeks of recovery sleep- then back to it.

No white coats

Why did they get rid of those? You could have been all swishing down the corridor looking full of authority. Now you have to think about what to wear. And pockets- amirite ladies? (I don’t know, am I right? Men’s trousers are full of pockets!)

Dinner with the family = diagnose the family

No I don’t want to see uncle Tim’s rash over dessert. No I don’t want to hear all about a weird headache you had. Go and see your GP. I don’t ask my friends who did IT to fix my computer. Erm…

Picking up all the infections

If you hang out in a hospital all winter, brace yourself for ALL the infections. Getting a solid week off in-between one sore throat and the next tickly cough is a godsend.

Watching anatomy DVDs in Public

You start to wonder why everyone is giving you funny looks on the train. Is there toothpaste on my face? A stain on my shirt? Nope, it’s because you’re watching ‘anatomy of the male genital tract’ on your laptop. Not cool.

Anatomy in general

You come home hungry and smelling of formaldehyde. You don’t know how to deal with these emotions.

Gunners

Those medical students who wanted to be an orthopaedic surgeon from age 5 and are willing to crush all opposition in the way. They don’t have a Tesco clubcard in their wallet- just histology flashcards.

Textbooks

You spend all that money on expensive medical textbooks that turn out to be ornate dust collectors. But the information will get into my head just by having the book close won’t it?

In the end though, you know you’re having a great time doing something great and wouldn’t take any of it back!

Until you learn how much your mates who did engineering are earning…